"Dr Laura....I only found Aha! Parenting a month ago. Already things have improved so much with my kids and I no longer act like a crazy person when I get frustrated with them. But I keep wondering if I have messed my children up forever...."
"Understanding alone cannot prevent disrupted connections from occurring. Some will inevitably happen. The challenge we all share is to embrace our humanity with humor and patience so that we can in turn relate to our children with openness and kindness. To continually chastise ourselves for our "errors" with our children keeps us involved in our own emotional issues and out of relationship with our children.." -- Daniel J. Siegel
Have you made mistakes as a parent? Join the club. The bad news is that you're human, like all parents. So we all fall short. READ POST
stimulus and response, there is a space. In that space lies our freedom
and power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and
freedom." -- Victor Frankl
"Where there is great love, there are always miracles." – Willa Cather
I know, you never actually stop loving your child, even when she acts like a monster and you can't stand being with her another minute. But I'm afraid that the love you feel isn't the most important factor in your child's emotional development. READ POST
"Try to see your child
as a seed that came in a packet without a label. Your job is to
provide the right environment and nutrients and to pull the weeds. You
can’t decide what kind of flower you’ll get or in which season it will
bloom." - Anonymous
This is Step 6 in our series Ten Steps to Unconditional Love.
Unconditional love isn't just what we feel. It's what the object of our love feels: love without strings attached. That means our child doesn't have to be, or do, anything in particular to earn our love. We love her exactly as she is. READ POST
"What can you do if the people in your life, in particular family, continue to inflict wounds although you keep forgiving? Isn't it better to keep them at arms length ?" - Ruby
“Healing comes when we meet our wounded places with compassion." -- Stephen Levine
Yesterday, Step 4 in our series Ten Steps to Unconditional Love was Are You Drinking Rat Poison? Many readers thought I was saying that forgiveness means you make up with anyone who has hurt you and give them access to your heart again. NOT. You don't want people in your life who inflict wounds. Arms length? Toss them out of your life altogether! READ POST
"Families are definitely the training ground for
forgiveness. At some point you forgive the people in your family for
being stuck together in all this weirdness, and when you can do that,
you can learn to forgive anyone... Not forgiving someone is like
drinking rat poison and expecting the rats to die.” -- Anne Lamott
This is Step Four from our series Ten Steps to Unconditional Love: Forgive your parents for being human.
When your child pushes your buttons, you automatically move into "fight or flight." It's hard to love unconditionally. Of course, your child might need you to set a clear, kind limit, but you'll do that better if you aren't seeing him as the enemy while you're doing it.
Guess where those buttons came from? That's right -- your own childhood. If you want to liberate your heart to love your child and yourself, you have to heal your old wounds. READ POST
Do you and your partner ever disagree about parenting? If not, please post a comment below with your secret! If so, join the club!
And also please join me for my discussion with Jacqueline Green on the Great Parenting Show TODAY at 10am PT/ 1PM ET, when we discuss how to resolve conflicts with your partner without messing up your kids! If you can't make the call live, no worries. You can listen to the replay for 24 hours.
Here's the link to register for this call and all the calls in the Great Parenting series this season. All calls are free. (You'll be offered a chance to buy recordings and transcripts of all the interviews, but that isn't necessary unless you want to listen to them later at your leisure.) Here's the link:
When you register, you'll get access info to listen to the call via live webcast or via phone. You can also submit your personal question via the Great Parenting Show webpage. I look forward to talking with you on this call -- and to helping you and your partner live Happily Ever After! READ POST
"Want to feel as playful and vibrant as your
children? Want to feel an abundance of energy? Want to experience
greater clarity in all you do? Want to wake up jazzed about the day
ahead? Imagine taking care of yourself in all the marvelous ways you
take care of others. It makes sense that, if you shifted self-care onto
the top of your priority list, you would feel more rested, more
centered, more present to your loved ones, more joyful..." -- Womans
This is Step Three from our series Ten Steps to Unconditional Love: Keep Your Pitcher Full So You Can Fill Your Child's Cup: Commit to radical self-care.
Most of us find that when we can stay connected to our internal fountain of well-being, it overflows onto our children and we're more patient, loving, joyful parents. To love our children unconditionally, we need to keep our own pitchers full, so we can keep pouring as needed. Quite simply, we can only give what we have inside. And even if parenting is the most meaningful part of your life, it still requires a whole lot of giving. READ POST