“Sometimes life is so hard. I just wish I could be in a better mood,
so I could be nicer to my kids!" - Karen
"We're not grateful because we're happy. We're happy because we're grateful.” - Brother David Stendl-Rast
Life can be hard. And being a parent can be one of the hardest things we do. It's not surprising that we find ourselves in a bad mood sometimes. READ POST
"Every time you complain, your irritability -- like a virus -- is
neurologically picked up by every person who hears your voice or sees
your face. So by all means, train your brain to be optimistic and
positive because (according to 30+ years of longitudinal research
conducted by Duke University and the Mayo Clinic), it will literally
add years to your life." -- Mark Waldman
Researchers say the average person complains 30 times a day. But there are people who never complain. Their lives, from the outside, aren't any different than anyone else's. They didn't win the lottery. But they rate themselves as happier than other people. Their relationships are closer. They live longer. And while I haven’t yet seen any research on this, I’d bet they’re happier parents. READ POST
"Dr Laura...What if it is not your own child
being aggressive, but other kids? A few days ago my two year old and I
were splashing in puddles when two girls with their grandparents walked
past. The 3 year old walked up to my son and said 'We will kill you.' It
was obvious she thought the puddles were all their's and she was
lashing out with hostility."
We all wish we could protect our children from incidents like this. But since we can't, let's help our kids stay grounded in their own dignity and compassion as they cope with the unhappy people who will inevitably come their way. That's how we, and our kids, help transform the world we live in -- by adding to the love, rather than the pain. How? READ POST
"Dr. Laura...How do you set loving limits, when you do not give consequences? For example, my son's bouncing a soccer ball inside the house. I give him a choice: "Balls are for bouncing outside. You may take it in front of the house or into the backyard. The choice is yours." Sometimes it works...sometimes he ignores me and continues to bounce the ball...I repeat again, and he does not listen. Should I take the ball away? He did not listen and there should be a consequence, no?"
We see behavior that's against our family rules. We set a limit, in this case by giving our child a choice of two alternate, acceptable, options. He ignores us. We repeat. He ignores us.
Naturally, we're frustrated. We feel an intense need to teach our child a lesson. Shouldn't there be a "consequence"?
Yes. Clearly, we need to take the ball away, to uphold our family rule about where balls can be used. But that isn't a "consequence" (as parents usually use the term) unless we also punish him for not obeying. READ POST
"When we act with
love, trying to
understand the other person, it is easy, natural to have
more patience." -- Alice
All parents have hard days sometimes. Maybe we find ourselves in an escalating cycle with our child, where we see everything she does through a negative lens. Maybe we have an interaction with him that leaves wounds.
How can we recover our patience, repair the relationship, and move back into a positive cycle? READ POST
"If you want your children to improve, let them overhear the nice things you say about them to others." – Haim Ginott
Children rely on us to interpret the world: "That's HOT, Don't touch!... Now we wash our hands...We can walk now that the light is green.....We always... We never.... This is how we do it.....The sky is blue...."
What happens when they hear: "You'd lose your head if it wasn't glued on.....That was a dumb thing to do....You drive me crazy ....Why can't you....You never....You always....."?
Or overhear: "You won't believe the day I've had with that kid....He's so irresponsible....She never does her chores without me hounding her.....He can't control himself....She has such a temper...."
They believe it. Even if they don't show it, even if they act like they don't care, on some level our children believe everything we say.
This could demoralize every one of us at times. But it doesn't have to. Instead, let's use our children's trust in what we say to empower them to become their best selves. Our words don't have to be perfect. But what if we practiced these four habits? READ POST
"I've been very careful to
not use bribery with my child, but there have been times when I've said
'If we all get buckled into the car, we can have time for a book before
we eat lunch'... or something like that, and I've wondered if I had just
used bribery. What's the difference between bribery and helping them to
move towards the next thing with a little incentive?" - Julie
It's a well-accepted tenet of parenting that bribes are a bad idea, used only by desperate parents. But why do "experts" always give this advice? READ POST