Parenting Blog

"Time is the most precious thing you own... Quantity time matters just as much, if not more, than quality time. While it’s okay to take your kids to Disneyland, it isn’t a substitute for good parenting. Parents need to be there--they need to be a witness to their children’s lives. That means creating good times, but more importantly, it means being there when things are tough. It means being an active participant in your child’s everyday struggles. " -- Laura Ramirez  READ POST

"My 7 yr old daughter seems to have a difficult time having her 'cup filled.'  Even after 5 (or more) minutes of games where I’m doing what she wants whether it’s the tickle monster game or a game of cards with her—something that I consider quality time —she is still needy and can’t turn it off.  Even if I’ve given the 2 minute warning, she will continue to jump all over me and then when I’ve clearly stated it’s time for bath, etc., she stomps off.  Her attitude at that point then, in my mind, negates the fun time we just had.  Even when I try to validate her feelings by saying that I know it’s hard to stop the fun, I can’t get through to her.  I do understand that she is probably trying to tell me that we need to do this more often and I am working harder at making sure we get that quality time together given school, work and life in general but at times, when I’m just spent at the end of the day, I don’t know how to respond to her need for more more more when I feel I’ve just given. " -- Amy  READ POST

"A journalist visited a town famous for its rampant unhappiness to see if he could understand its origin. Walking down the street, he noticed a man ahead of him. Suddenly, a little man, no more than a few inches high, appeared and ran up the man's leg.  He started sticking pins into the man and sewing things to him. Instantly, the man was covered by these tiny tailors, all sticking him with pins.  He looked completely miserable as he shuffled off. The journalist saw this happen to one person after another, until he was ready to give up and go home. The town was completely infested with tiny tailors; no wonder everyone was unhappy. Then the journalist noticed one woman covered with tiny tailors who apparently said something, and the tiny tailors just melted away. The journalist ran over to her. 'What did you say to get free of them?!" he exclaimed. 'Oh,' she answered, 'It was nothing. I just told them I've decided to stop measuring myself.'”  -- Guy Finley

Most of the time when we find ourselves anxious or unhappy, it's because we've been measuring ourselves and come up short. We're constantly comparing ourselves to an ideal in our minds of what we should be.  Unfortunately, no live human can ever live up to an ideal.   READ POST

"I try to use positive parenting, but there always comes a point where I'm stuck and threaten a timeout. WIthout punishment, how do I enforce my limits?  I can interrupt the bad behavior but I can't prevent it next time.  I can remind him until I'm blue in the face about the things he's supposed to do, but I can't actually MAKE him. What do I do to make my child behave, if I can't use force?" – Lisabet

“Punishments erode relationships and moral growth.” – Alfie Kohn

This is a terrific question. How can we "enforce" our limits?  READ POST

 "Whenever I held my newborn baby in my arms, I used to think that what I said and did to him could have an influence not only on him but on all whom he met, not only for a day or a month or a year, but for all eternity - a very challenging and exciting thought for a mother."  -- Rose Kennedy

Most parents take their job as teachers very seriously.  We teach our kids colors.  ABCs.  Sharing.  Right from wrong.

But sometimes we don't even notice a much more important lesson we're imparting to our children: how to manage themselves and their feelings.  This is the basis of emotional intelligence (EQ), which will determine their quality of life much more fundamentally than their IQ.  READ POST

"What do I do when my three year old throws his truck at the cat? If I take the thrown object away and say, "The truck has to be put away now, because we can't let the kitty get hurt," my son seems to still view this as a punishment -- Mom is taking his favorite toy away and putting it somewhere high up where he can't reach it because he's little. Not to mention the frustrated/patronized look he gets on his face as soon as he sees my 'I'm about to empathize with your deeper feelings instead of addressing whatever need you think you have at this moment...'

Let's dig deep on this one because it's a great example of where punishment gets in the way of raising a responsible, emotionally intelligent child.  READ POST

"Usually our ideas of self-care are something you do, child-free, to care for yourself. But what if this form of self-care isn’t possible? Self care can be as simple as taking deep breaths while you are sitting with a screaming child. Having a cup of tea while you read your child a book... I really like this idea of self-care because it doesn’t make having kids and self-care mutually exclusive. I do go out to dance classes and yoga on my own, but when I can’t or don’t, I crank the music loud at home and do my own dance class." – Deborah Purcell

The #1 New Years Resolution of parents everywhere?  Be more patient. But having to summon up your patience is a signal that your cup is already dangerously empty.  Willpower only takes us so far.  The real job is keeping your cup full so you have plenty of joy and presence to share with your child.  Kids love our joyful presence and become happier and more cooperative.   READ POST