Do you know LR Knost? If so, you'll be thrilled to hear she has a new book out -- this time, on Discipline. If not, I'm delighted to introduce you. READ POST
"Families are definitely the training ground for forgiveness. At some point you forgive the people in your family for being stuck together in all this weirdness, and when you can do that, you can learn to forgive anyone... Not forgiving someone is like drinking rat poison and expecting the rats to die.” -- Anne Lamott
When your child pushes your buttons, you automatically move into "fight or flight." It's hard to love unconditionally. Of course, your child might need you to set a clear, kind limit, but you'll do that better if you aren't seeing him as the enemy while you're doing it.
Often, we think it's our child's fault that he's pushing our buttons. But do you ever wonder when those buttons were built into your psyche? That's right -- during your own childhood. Those are your buttons, and life will keep pushing them until you heal them.
It's hard to love unconditionally when part of our heart is closed off behind the bars of anger or resentment. If you want to liberate your heart to access all the love there, you have to heal your old wounds. READ POST
"About 3 days a month I wake up feeling excited about life, and all my responses to my kids are better. But the other days, I just can't amp it up to be as playful and patient as I want to be."
"Want to feel as playful and vibrant as your children? Want to feel an abundance of energy? Want to experience greater clarity in all you do? Want to wake up jazzed about the day ahead? Imagine taking care of yourself in all the marvelous ways you take care of others. It makes sense that, if you shifted self-care onto the top of your priority list, you would feel more rested, more centered, more present to your loved ones, more joyful..." -- Womans Field Guide
Most of us find that when we can stay connected to our internal fountain of well-being, it overflows onto our children and we're more patient, loving, joyful parents. To love our children unconditionally, we need to keep our own pitchers full, so we can keep pouring as needed. Quite simply, we can only give what we have inside. And even if parenting is the most meaningful part of your life, it still requires a whole lot of giving.
And yet, most of us live in constant stress, which means we're often running on empty. Many days we wake up wishing life could be different. Small wonder we lose patience with our children. And then we feel even worse.
Sadly, remorse and and self-blame after we lose patience doesn't change anything. Actually, it makes things worse, because it's hard to act like a loving, happy person when you're feeling like a bad person.
What if, instead, you could find a way to stay in a positive state more often? You can. Not all the time, of course -- into every life some rain must fall. But most of us can find a way to be more positive more often. It starts with finding ways to nurture and nourish ourselves, so we can stay more centered.
But if you're like most parents, that's not so easy. The secret is radical self-care. What do I mean by radical? I mean not just tending to yourself after everyone else's needs are met. I mean actually moving self-care high up on your priority list. I mean overwhelming yourself with love and appreciation. Because that's the only way you can be the happy, patient, unconditionally loving parent your child deserves. (And because you deserve it!) Wouldn't that be a radical act? READ POST
"Perfection is the lowest standard any human can have." -- Heather Forbes
Think your child deserves a perfect parent? Not. In fact, your quest to be perfect gets in the way of loving your child unconditionally, because you can't love yourself unconditionally. That's right, unconditional love means dropping that list of ways you need to be different before you're good enough in your own eyes. READ POST
"The ultimate lesson all of us have to learn is unconditional love, which includes not only others but ourselves as well” -- Elisabeth Kubler-Ross
We all know that children require unconditional love to thrive. But how many of us feel capable of giving it? We can't, quite simply, give something we don't have inside. Loving your child starts with loving yourself. READ POST