“Why do you want your child to hurry
up? Because you're done and figure he’s had long enough to finish?
Because you have something else to do? If so, can that wait so that you
can give your child the time he needs? Because you've promised to be
somewhere? ... If you are constantly rushing from one place to the next
(doctor’s appointment, haircut, playgroup, music lessons) have you taken
on too much? Should you plan more downtime in your schedule so you have
more time to be patient? More time for play and cuddles?” -
Now that kids are back in school and activities, are you noticing that life is too busy? Most of us take it for granted that we're always rushing from one thing to the next. That we have a never-ending to-do list that keeps us from catching our breath, never mind catching a sunset together.
But it costs us. And it costs our kids even more. Our society is so hooked on adrenalin that we don't acknowledge the high price our children pay for our lifestyle. Rushing our children through life: READ POST
If you live within 200 miles of New York, this post is for you.
ABC News is doing a segment on parents yelling. They're looking for families with kids ages 11 to 14, because they're following up on the recent study published in Child Development that shows that when 13 year olds are yelled at, their behavior gets worse, not better. Here's an article on that study: http://www.
ABC is looking for families in the tristate NY area who are willing to be on camera to talk about yelling: Do you yell? Would you like to stop? Have you been able to stop, and if so, how did you do it? READ POST
"I read Dr. Laura every day and I can actually feel my brain being rewired. I sense myself making continual progress towards the mother I want to be. I'm learning to love myself unconditionally along the way, too." – MaMammalia
"The main difference between a master and a beginner is that the master practices more." -- Yasha Heifetz, Master Violinist
You've probably noticed that things work better with your child when you're in a good mood. At least half of the time when we get irritated, impatient, or frustrated with our kids, it's because we're already feeling unhappy. Then there's a spark, our bad mood flares, and before we know it we're in the middle of a firestorm. That's why noticing your own mood as you go through your day, and re-centering yourself when you're out of sorts, transforms your parenting. READ POST
"Dr. Laura...You wrote: 'Sometimes
kids just need to cry...Set a reasonable limit and welcome his meltdown.'
Are you saying that I should just say No and let my son cry, and things
will get better? That's what my parents did, and I spent hours in my
room crying. It wasn't good for me, and it made me so angry at them." -
Shelly makes a good point. Kids do need to cry, to heal all those feelings that are making them act out. But that's only healing if they have a compassionate witness -- the safe haven of a parent. Leaving your child to cry alone just traumatizes her, and gives her the message that she's all alone with those scary feelings, just when she needs us most. READ POST
“Dr. Laura....I just don't get it. How can kids learn to behave if they're never punished? I would never hit them, but what about timeouts and consequences? Everyone knows that children need discipline."
"Do you even have children?!!! Obviously not, or you would know this kind of parenting is impossible, and would raise criminals!"
I rarely mention my own children in my posts, but I'm often asked about them because naturally parents want to know if this kind of parenting works. So to answer this question, I went to the best source I know: My children. They were never punished, including with timeouts or parent-contrived consequences. And yet they're now considerate, responsible, happy young people. How do they explain it? READ POST
"Sending children away to get control
of their anger perpetuates the feeling of 'badness" inside
them...Chances are they were already feeling not very good about
themselves before the outburst and the isolation just serves to confirm
in their own minds that they were right." -- Otto Weininger,Ph.D.
When our kids get angry, it pushes buttons for most of us. We want to be loving parents. Why is our child lashing out like this? READ POST
“Our 26 month old is overall really
excellent with the three month old. But now the baby is starting to
play with toys, and the toddler always grabs them away from him. The
baby is still too small to care that the toy gets taken...for now. Until
now, we've handled sharing toys as you suggest--we don't force it, we
talk about taking turns, asking the other child if they're done, etc.
I'm a little less sure how to apply this logic when there is an age
discrepancy. We can't ask the baby if he's done. I feel quite certain
that I don't want to force my toddler to share, but sometimes I find
myself saying, "Your brother is using that!" because it seems like he
shouldn't just be able to take every toy the baby plays with.“
There's a reason "taking candy from a baby" has come to symbolize an easy but immoral abuse of power. You're right to feel uncomfortable with your toddler's compulsive grabbing from the baby; it's not good for the baby -- and it's not good for your toddler. READ POST