Parenting Blog

"What do I do when my three year old throws his truck at the cat? If I take the thrown object away and say, "The truck has to be put away now, because we can't let the kitty get hurt," my son seems to still view this as a punishment -- Mom is taking his favorite toy away and putting it somewhere high up where he can't reach it because he's little. Not to mention the frustrated/patronized look he gets on his face as soon as he sees my 'I'm about to empathize with your deeper feelings instead of addressing whatever need you think you have at this moment...'

Let's dig deep on this one because it's a great example of where punishment gets in the way of raising a responsible, emotionally intelligent child.  READ POST

"Usually our ideas of self-care are something you do, child-free, to care for yourself. But what if this form of self-care isn’t possible? Self care can be as simple as taking deep breaths while you are sitting with a screaming child. Having a cup of tea while you read your child a book... I really like this idea of self-care because it doesn’t make having kids and self-care mutually exclusive. I do go out to dance classes and yoga on my own, but when I can’t or don’t, I crank the music loud at home and do my own dance class." – Deborah Purcell

The #1 New Years Resolution of parents everywhere?  Be more patient. But having to summon up your patience is a signal that your cup is already dangerously empty.  Willpower only takes us so far.  The real job is keeping your cup full so you have plenty of joy and presence to share with your child.  Kids love our joyful presence and become happier and more cooperative.   READ POST

Did you know that one out of every four girls in middle school today will be date-raped by the time she's 22?  That predators try to abduct about 100,000 teenage girls each year, with the risk peaking at age 15?   As I consider my 16 year old and her friends, these statistics are shocking, unbearable.    READ POST

"Ok, you screamed at your kid. Now what? Unpack your baggage so your kids don't have to carry it.  It's all grist for the mill...The joy of the journey is in the detours." -- Lu Hanessian

As the year turns, and we try to turn over a new leaf, we're reminded once again of our inability to simply will ourselves to change. We are human, after all.   READ POST

"I find I’m already 10 steps into reacting and I’ve headed down the “traditional” path with whatever issue is at hand with my kids. When I am able to remain calm, it certainly helps the situation as opposed to when I get heated up and emotional, which only makes things worse. It makes me sad to know that up until now, I have not been a good example of emotional regulation at all.  And it is so disheartening to see my kids doing things that I know they saw us do whether it’s throw something, slam a door, etc. Every once in a while, the little voice inside me says 'It’s too late—damage done' but then I keep plugging along reading and re-reading your advice and hope that if I can keep working on myself, my kids can adjust too." – Amy

Sounds familiar, right?  We're starting the New Year with emotional regulation because it’s at the heart of our ability to parent the way we’d like. In fact, it’s at the heart of most of the ways we trip ourselves up, from over-eating to over-spending to fighting with our spouse.

As parents, we know it’s our responsibility to provide for our child’s physical needs: food, shelter, protection.  What about our responsibility to parent from a state of love?  We often hear that good parents love their children unconditionally, but we all know that no parent always feels loving.  And we’re left on our own to figure out how we can restore ourselves to a state of love during the inevitable ups and downs of daily parenting.  READ POST

"Dr.  Laura, I've already given up on my New Year's Resolution to be a more patient mother because I've blown it over and over."

"Just because I sometimes fall, it doesn't mean I regret the flight." -- Carrie Newcomer

How are you doing at keeping your New Year's resolutions? 

(a) Great!
(b) Not so great.
(c) I've given up on keeping my resolution.
(d) I gave up making resolutions a long time ago because they always fail.

If you answered anything other than (a), join the club.  Change is hard.  If it were easy, we wouldn't need all these resolutions.  But that doesn't mean it isn't worth trying. Of course you'll make mistakes, and you won't be perfect.  But you'll be headed in the right direction.  READ POST

Want to stop yelling at your kids?  Ready to start having dinner as a family?  Need to find a way to rebuild your relationship with your son or daughter? Desperate to change the tone in your house from sniping and snotty to laughing and loving?  READ POST