Parenting Blog

“We're not grateful because we're happy. We're happy because we're grateful.” - Brother David Stendl-Rast

"If the only prayer you said in your life was 'THANK YOU,'  that would suffice." -- Meister Eckhart

Every spiritual tradition has a practice of gratitude.  Not just for some presumed spiritual or ethical benefit, but because it works. The heartfelt expression of gratitude lifts us out of the mind’s usual restless feeling of “not enough” into the joy of sufficiency.  We open ourselves to take in the blessings that surround us.  READ POST

"It's especially important during the holidays to remember that aiming for a PERFECT holiday ritual is actually a bad goal. Not only is perfection impossible and striving for it adds stress, but honestly, the holidays families remember most fondly are those when the dog ate the cake, or everybody got the flu on Thanksgiving. Play it loose, have a sense of humor..." -- Meg Cox  READ POST

Last week, I was interviewed by Jessica Williams of Love Parenting about healthy attachment as kids move beyond the baby stage, and how empathy keeps us close to our child, even as we're setting limits.  This interview was the launch of an extensive project that Jessica is calling  The Ultimate Parenting Course.  READ POST

"When we acknowledge our children’s right to want things, as well as their right to be upset when they can’t have what they want, it goes a long way toward defusing their anger and the tantrums that occur as a result.”  -- Nancy Samalin

The part of NO that our kids don't understand is the part where we make them feel bad about themselves and what they want, instead of just saying NO to the behavior.  READ POST

"Instead of resisting any emotion, the best way to dispel it is to enter it fully, embrace it and see through your resistance." - Deepak Chopra

"Today I will let myself feel what I am feeling and let my children feel what they are feeling....I'll pay attention to what each of us is feeling and give those feelings some respect and space. There's nothing so bad about them; they are only feelings and need not threaten me." -- Tian Dayton

Are your feelings dangerous?  Never.  But most of us are afraid of our strong feelings.  And we're afraid of our children's feelings. Why?  READ POST

"Odd as it may seem, children who hit are children who are afraid. The fears that cause trouble for a child who hits usually have their roots in some frightening experience earlier in her life, even though she may not seem frightened at all. To manage her fear, the frightened child develops aggressive behavior that flares any time she feels tense. Instead of crying or saying she feels scared when her fears are triggered, she tightens up, can’t ask for help, and lashes out." -- Patty Wipfler

It's not so easy to feel love in the face of aggression.  We may know intellectually that our child is lashing out because she's overwhelmed or scared, but we still move into "fight or flight" because we feel like it's an emergency.  READ POST

"There's one thing you've touched on over the years that I can happily say is now integrated in my soul, and that is that ultimately my children want my love and acceptance. I no longer have to remember this on an academic level, and repeat it as a mantra. It is there inside me naturally, and surfaces often when I feel uncertain how to proceed with a conflict. My girls are 6 and 7 and I've noticed that lately they respond with a dramatic "No!!!" when I ask them to do something they don't want to do. Instead of reacting to the "No!" as a power struggle and a test of my authority which would inevitably came out in a forceful and angry tone, I calmly repeat the request and expand on the reason, knowing all the while that they ultimately want to do what's right. I have to say, they always do what I want. When I hear another mother say that she doesn't tolerate a verbal "No" from her children and reminds them that she's the "boss", I cringe." --Terry

Most of us wish our kids would obey our every request without a fuss. But that would mean we were raising automatons who weren't thinking for themselves.  There will be many times in your child's teen years where having practiced saying No! could save her life. Your child isn't wrong to say No!; she has a reason.  It may not be what you consider a good reason, but she certainly thinks it is.  READ POST