Parenting Blog

“What we’re really measuring with the marshmallows isn’t will power…It’s much more important than that. This task forces kids to find a way to make the situation work for them. They want the second marshmallow, but how can they get it? We can’t control the world, but we can control how we think about it. Once you realize that will power is just a matter of learning how to control your attention and thoughts, you can really begin to increase it.”- Walter Mischel

Can your child resist eating a treat when instructed not to?  

The bad news is that unless we specifically work at it, our self-control as a four year old seems to predict our self-control later in life. (If you haven't read it yet, you'll want to start with yesterday's post: Does It Matter If Your Child Has Self Control?)  READ POST

“If you can deal with hot emotions, then you can study for the S.A.T. instead of watching television, and you can save more money for retirement. It’s not just about marshmallows.” - Walter Mischel

Have you heard about the Marshmallow test?  It's used to measure self control in young children.  In the book Bringing Up Bébé, Pam Druckerman quotes Walter Mischel, the originator of the Marshmallow test, as support for her conclusion that Parisian kids learn self control by being forced to wait for attention and follow rigid schedules. But the Marshmallow test doesn't actually support her conclusions at all.  Today, I'll describe the Marshmallow test and why it's important for every parent to understand.  Tomorrow, we'll explore how children actually develop self-control.   READ POST

"Before we can love anyone unconditionally, we must first love ourselves. We have to give and express the unconditional love to ourselves that was not provided to us by our biological parents. We re-parent ourselves not by our parents but by our own inner source of love." -- Anne V.

"Dr. Laura, I know I can't raise healthy kids if I'm always flying off the handle, but do you have any tips on staying centered with two kids? I just don't have time to do the things I used to do to take care of myself, like going to the gym. I'm so tired all the time!" 

This comment (along with many others) sparked the series we just finished,  Nurturing Yourself while Raising Your Child.  I promised to send out the links, all in one email, so they're listed below.  READ POST

This is the last post in our series on Nurturing Yourself while Raising Your Child. Tomorrow we wrap up with all the links.

"Looked at from a spiritual standpoint, our discomfort in any given situation provides a signal that we are out of alignment with spiritual law and are being given an opportunity to heal something."--Colin C. Tipping
 
We talked yesterday about getting rid of what drains you so you feel more energetic and alive.  But what if you’ve found a whole list of things you don’t like and can’t get eliminate?  Maybe, for instance, your children--or at least some of their behavior!  READ POST

Are you Nurturing Yourself while Raising Your Child, yet? We're on the homestretch of our series, so take advantage of these last couple of emails about self-care, before we're back to kids and behavior!

“If you have time to whine and complain about something then you have the time to do something about it." -- Anthony J. D'Angelo

Our body sends us constant signals about what's not working, in our lives.  Often, we ignore that information.  We smother it with our little addictions to make ourselves feel better (comfort food, facebooking, shopping, another latte.) But that's like having a blinking light on the dashboard of the car and responding by pulling the wires out so the light stops blinking.  The car doesn't run any better.  In fact, it will eventually break down.  READ POST

Note: We're on the home stretch in our series on Nurturing Yourself While Raising Your Child.  In honor of Valentine's Day, #8's on the importance of adult love. 

"We don't talk enough about how not having a tribe affects ...us as parents.... I have the fervent hope that we start talking about the exhaustion, need for community and help that we parents need." - Jennifer

 “This style of parenting is for a short season in a marriage—or in your own personal life—and when you devote yourself fully to that season and find the fulfillment that it brings, the season passes soon enough.  You are left with no regrets about distance between you and your partner because you didn’t allow that distance to happen to the point that you couldn’t reconnect.” – Martha Sears

You're a fountain of love for your child, but you can't keep all that love flowing if you don't get some yourself.  We all need connection and affection from other adults, and without that supply of love, we end up with hungry hearts. That means finding a way to connect in mutually nurturing adult relationships.  Maybe that’s your partner. Maybe it’s your BFF, your mother’s group, or your own mother. While it’s true that meeting the needs of our children can take all of our time, there is always a way to savor adult connection. How?   READ POST

 This is #7 in our series on Nurturing Yourself while Raising Your Child.

"Dr. Laura, I'm great with my kids on vacation.  But most of the time, I'm just so stressed out, my default is yelling!" -- Camille

As every parent learns, you can't be a good mom or dad when you're stressed out, no matter how positive your intentions.

It's true that modern life creates stress, but it's also true that what stresses out one person may just roll off the back of another.  Each of us has a responsibility as a parent to manage our own stress.  After all, do you want your kids to have the best of you -- or what's left of you?   READ POST