Parenting Blog

Guest Blog by Howard Glasser, M.A.
author of
Transforming the Difficult Child: The Nurtured Heart Approach
&
All Children Flourishing - Igniting the Greatness of Our Children

Listen to Howard Glasser live on Dr. Laura Markham's radio show!
Wednesday August 5
MyExpertSolution.com
(9amPT/10amMT/11amCT/NoonET)

1. Resist the trap of accidentally energizing negativity! It happens all the time in subtle ways. We accidentally celebrate negativity when we give it our time, energy and relationship. In that way we are sending our child the message that we are will to celebrate “non-greatness” because that is accidentally what we are most present for.
2. Realize that all the less energetic words or approval like “good job,” “way to go,” and “thank you” and such, do not begin to touch the realm of greatness. They energetically barely scratch the surface compared to the energy we give to what’s wrong. We need to have a grasp of “radical appreciation” in order to leave a lasting impression of the greatness we wish to cultivate.
3. Greatness is a choice and for our children to eventually choose greatness on their own we need to “choose” to see greatness and bring it into the realm of things we distinguish and appreciate.
4. “Catching a child being good” will not serve you in propelling greatness. There is a much better lens, which is “creating” greatness by the way we choose to take advantage of the moments of the day and mirror back what we see, detailing the great qualities they are showing by the choices they are making in the moment.
5. Children who are led to feel like they are great by the way we reflect and attribute greatness, come to act-out greatness. This is a much better way of acting out.
6. Instead of giving discussion, lectures, admonishments, warnings, threats, etc when a rule is being broken, give the energized lecture and appreciation the many times a day when rules are not being broken. Be willing to flip the switch on your energy 180 degrees.
7. Make these moments super-energized by feeling the gratefulness and emotion that is authentically there. After all, if you have a child who is very disrespectful, very often, then the truth is when the disrespect isn’t happening, it is glorious and wonderful.
8. See these moments of following the rules as a choice because the truth is your child could be breaking the rule and the great news is that she isn’t at this moment. It isn’t just happening. She is choosing to follow the rule.
9. By doing this you are making yourself the energetic prize. Your connection and relationship is the prize, so if a rule is broken, just say reset and momentarily remove YOU – the prize. When the rule is no longer being broken, even seconds later, make it your mission to stay in the truth of that next moment and be willing to celebrate that choice of having stopped the problem.
10. By celebrate I do not mean giving things and money, I simply mean giving of yourself. Giving of yourself means opening up the treasure trove of your heart and letting the words of appreciation flow. Gratefulness>Full of Greatness>Greatness!