Parenting Blog

"Experience is that marvelous thing that enables you to recognize a mistake when you make it again."
 --  F. P. Jones

Some parents try so hard to be patient that they let things get out of hand. Then they snap. Later, they're filled with remorse. Sound familiar?

Calming down is tough. The key is to intervene BEFORE you get angry.
 
Often when we lose it with our children, it’s because we haven’t set a limit, and something has been grating on us. The minute you start getting angry, it’s a signal to do something. No, not yell.  It’s time to intervene in a positive way to prevent more of whatever behavior is irritating you.
 
If your irritation is coming from you -- let’s say you’ve just had a hard day, and their natural exuberance is wearing on you -- explain that and ask your kids to be considerate. Do something nice to nurture yourself.
 
If the kids are doing something that’s increasingly annoying -- playing a game in which someone is likely to get hurt, stalling when you’ve asked them to do something, squabbling while you’re on the phone -- you may need to interrupt what you’re doing.  Then:

• Make a positive connection with your child
• Empathize with whatever they’re expressing
• Restate your family rule or expectation
• Redirect them into positive activity.

Calmly, kindly, cheerfully do whatever is necessary to keep the situation, and your anger, from escalating. 

There's always a solution besides losing it. Sending them outside? Snuggling with him on the couch for 15 minutes?  Dropping whatever you were doing for five minutes so you can move her along into whatever she's supposed to be doing? Roaring like a lion and getting the kids to all join in? Taking five minutes alone in the bathroom to breathe deep and regroup? 

The miracle comes when you face the fact of your rising irritation, instead of trying to ignore it or reflexively yelling.  That helps you notice the accident that could lie ahead -- and your chance to step in like the super-parent that you are, to avert disaster.