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My teenage son has to get up at 6am to get out of the house before 7am every morning. So every day, either my husband or I gets up with him. Truthfully, my husband shoulders the lion’s share of this burden, but he happens to be out of town for a week, so it’s fallen to me. I drag myself out of bed, wake my son, make him a hot breakfast, chat a bit about the upcoming day, give him a hug, and get him out the door on time.
Now, I’m not a morning person, and especially in the dark, cold winter mornings, I HATE getting up. I have to drag myself out of bed when the alarm jars me awake. So I realized I was feeling victimized and a bit resentful. Then I had an AHA! Moment.
Do I need to do this? No. Strictly speaking, my 17 year old is completely capable of waking with an alarm clock, pouring himself a bowl of cereal, and getting himself out the door on time.
But the alternative, of leaving him to feel alone and on his own in the mornings, isn’t what I want for him. He’s plenty independent. He doesn’t get home until 7pm most nights, after school and soccer , and then he has homework. I WANT him to feel my availability in the mornings. I WANT him to have a hot meal before his hour-long commute to school. I want him to walk out into the dark cold morning from a solid foundation of warmth and connection.
The minute I said aloud, I CHOOSE to do this for my son, it got easier. I don’t mean I love dragging myself out of bed at 6am. But as soon as I started actively choosing it, I stopped feeling victimized. I wasn’t walking around with a chip on my shoulder, but instead with a feeling of power that I can make a positive difference in my son’s life.
And that’s the AHA! It’s easy to feel resentful as a parent, because, well, we’re always meeting somebody else’s needs. But any time we feel victimized, it poisons the moment. Life is too short to live it with a chip on your shoulder.
What can we do instead? Either choose it or change it. It may well be that there’s another option. But if the alternatives aren’t palatable to you? Then consciously CHOOSE the course you’re taking, so you don’t feel victimized. The Aha is, once we’ve discarded the alternatives, Choosing the life we have is empowering.
Now, I’m not a morning person, and especially in the dark, cold winter mornings, I HATE getting up. I have to drag myself out of bed when the alarm jars me awake. So I realized I was feeling victimized and a bit resentful. Then I had an AHA! Moment.
Do I need to do this? No. Strictly speaking, my 17 year old is completely capable of waking with an alarm clock, pouring himself a bowl of cereal, and getting himself out the door on time.
But the alternative, of leaving him to feel alone and on his own in the mornings, isn’t what I want for him. He’s plenty independent. He doesn’t get home until 7pm most nights, after school and soccer , and then he has homework. I WANT him to feel my availability in the mornings. I WANT him to have a hot meal before his hour-long commute to school. I want him to walk out into the dark cold morning from a solid foundation of warmth and connection.
The minute I said aloud, I CHOOSE to do this for my son, it got easier. I don’t mean I love dragging myself out of bed at 6am. But as soon as I started actively choosing it, I stopped feeling victimized. I wasn’t walking around with a chip on my shoulder, but instead with a feeling of power that I can make a positive difference in my son’s life.
And that’s the AHA! It’s easy to feel resentful as a parent, because, well, we’re always meeting somebody else’s needs. But any time we feel victimized, it poisons the moment. Life is too short to live it with a chip on your shoulder.
What can we do instead? Either choose it or change it. It may well be that there’s another option. But if the alternatives aren’t palatable to you? Then consciously CHOOSE the course you’re taking, so you don’t feel victimized. The Aha is, once we’ve discarded the alternatives, Choosing the life we have is empowering.
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