Parenting Blog

"Realize that now, in this moment of time, you are creating. You are creating your next moment based on what you are feeling and thinking. That is what’s real. We can let go of the unconscious belief that being anxious about the past or the future will somehow protect us and instead reprogram our cells with new ways of responding.” -- Doc Childre

Do you worry about your child?  Join the club.  It's part of the job description. But when we say "Be careful!" to our kid, we're not giving the message that we care, even though that's what we feel. We're giving the message that the world is an unsafe place and we don't have confidence in our child to navigate it. 

Could you say, instead, "Have fun!"? Could you just move closer to the climbing gym to spot him and say "Wow, I see you climbing so high!"

Research shows that worrying makes us more fearful of bad outcomes.  The decisions we make from that fearful place are rarely the same decisions we would make from a place of love and trust.  Guess which decisions have better outcomes?

Sages have been preaching that our thoughts create our lives ever since teaching began. Whatever we attend to flourishes.  So when we focus on something, it’s like looking into a microscope slide – we make whatever we’re focusing on bigger, in our perceptions and therefore in reality.

Do you doubt this?  Many studies have concluded that people who worry more don’t gain insight or solve problems any better. They simply make themselves more unhappy.

That’s because although worrying is our mind's way of trying to protect us, we're actually negatively programming our subconscious.  The subconscious thinks in pictures, and it believes whatever we tell it.  Many scientists now agree with the “new age” teaching that all those anxious thoughts looping though our minds are actually giving our subconscious the message to create those scenarios. At the very least, those worried thoughts stimulate feelings of anxiety and stress that keep us from being inspired parents.

Want to break the worry habit and reprogram your subconscious for happiness? Here's your five step process. 

1. Start noticing every time your mind goes into worry.  Every time you observe yourself worrying about something, Stop. Breathe. Shake your hands out to let go of that fear. Just noticing your physical state and consciously relaxing sends a message to your mind that there's no emergency.

2. Reassure yourself. 

“Every kid gets out of diapers sooner or later.”

"I don't have to be perfect.  My kids will be fine, even though I make mistakes."

“I am doing the best I can. Every day gets better.”

“My child is safe. I'm so grateful my child is safe and healthy.”

"He's acting like a kid because he IS a kid. He supposed to be immature."

3. Reprogram your subconscious.  As you say your new statement, show your subconscious a picture of your desired outcome, whether it's your child smiling and safe, or happily flushing the toilet.  Don't worry about how to achieve your goal -- that will get your mind involved again, which brings up fear. Instead, summon up a feeling of happy gratitude along with your picture.  The longer you can hold that feeling and picture, the more quickly your subconscious starts helping you create it.

4. Take action. Ask yourself: “What is one thing I can do right now (or today) to make this positive outcome more likely?” Then do it. Here's where this technique differs from positive thinking.  We have to feel good to know what action to take.  But we have to take the action to change our lives. 

5. Every time your worry surfaces, repeat these steps. Scientists have found that our minds tend to follow certain tracks repeatedly, like grooves on an old vinyl record.  Each time you interrupt a worry and send your subconscious a picture of a happier outcome, you're carving a new path for your mind -- a path of happiness instead of anxiety. Soon, you'll find yourself in a whole new landscape.