Parenting Blog

Note: We're on the home stretch in our series on Nurturing Yourself While Raising Your Child.  In honor of Valentine's Day, #8's on the importance of adult love. 

"We don't talk enough about how not having a tribe affects ...us as parents.... I have the fervent hope that we start talking about the exhaustion, need for community and help that we parents need." - Jennifer

 “This style of parenting is for a short season in a marriage—or in your own personal life—and when you devote yourself fully to that season and find the fulfillment that it brings, the season passes soon enough.  You are left with no regrets about distance between you and your partner because you didn’t allow that distance to happen to the point that you couldn’t reconnect.” – Martha Sears

You're a fountain of love for your child, but you can't keep all that love flowing if you don't get some yourself.  We all need connection and affection from other adults, and without that supply of love, we end up with hungry hearts. That means finding a way to connect in mutually nurturing adult relationships.  Maybe that’s your partner. Maybe it’s your BFF, your mother’s group, or your own mother. While it’s true that meeting the needs of our children can take all of our time, there is always a way to savor adult connection. How?

1. Take a walk with your spouse, carrying your little one in a sling, pushing the stroller, or letting the little ones kick a ball or play tag along the way. How about every evening at sunset?  Make it quality time by setting aside ten minutes each to really listen to each other without taking anything that's said personally, or trying to solve anything.

2.  Join or start a regular playgroup with like-minded parents so you can connect while little ones play.

3. Start a parents’ support group at your workplace.  Bring brown-bag lunches, invite local speakers, trade stories and ideas.

4. Hire a young mother’s helper to play with your child every Friday evening so you and your spouse can have a picnic dinner in the bedroom. 

5. Trade babysitting with a friend so each of you gets time off each week. Use that time to have a festive lunch with your spouse, get a manicure with your BFF, or find intellectual connection by enrolling in a class at the local community college.  Or---here's a radical idea--just take a nap!

6. Connect with other like-minded parents in an online community.  Choose one that's supportive and in sync with your parenting style.

7. Find a "listening partner."  This idea, originally pioneered by the folks at HandinHand Parenting, is that you make a standing date to connect, usually by phone, with another parent.  This gives you a safe place and a nonjudgmental partner so you can take turns exploring your issues with your child and releasing your own emotions.

 8. Let more love in. Life is too short for you to be stressing over a bad relationship.  If you’re feeling stressed about your relationship with your partner, make working things out a priority.

9.  Take a parenting class.  Parenting is the hardest work there is.  If you're trying to parent differently than you were parented, it's heroic.  Give yourself camaraderie with other parents on the same journey, and support from folks who've been there, done that.

10.  Prioritize love.  Every day, make sure you have a juicy connection with another adult.  Call your bff or your sister.  Write a letter of gratitude to someone who mentored you.  Be sure your romantic partner knows how much love and appreciation you feel for him or her. 

Anything that nurtures you and keeps your heart open gives you more love to share. As four wise men once said, The love you take is equal to the love you make...All you (really) need is love.