Parenting Blog

This is Part 5 in our series on Nurturing Yourself while Raising Your Child.

“There is a vitality, a life-force, an energy, a quickening that is translated through you into action and because there is only one of you in all of time, this expression is unique. And if you block it, it will never exist through any other medium and be lost.” -- Martha Graham

Raising a child takes so much out of us that we often sacrifice most everything else that's important to us. But if we don't stay connected to what keeps us energized, we run dry.

What lights your fire?  Maybe you’re passionate about painting, or you go crazy if you can't garden. Maybe you need to be around other adults for at least part of every day so you can talk about politics or parenting instead of legos and lollipops.  Maybe you crave silence and stillness.

It may seem impossible, while you're parenting, to find time for your personal passion.  And I'm not going to lie to you.  You probably can't spend most of your time on whatever that passion is while your children are small.  Kids require a lot of our time. 

But on the other hand, you need to stay in touch with what fuels you if you want to keep your energy up.  Is there a way to tap into whatever makes you passionate, even while your child is young?  Maybe you can't write the great American novel, but can you write a little every day?  Maybe you can't perform at a nightclub on a regular basis, but can you play in a band that practices regularly? Or incorporate your passions into life with children, by doing artwork or baking together?

In addition to whatever lights your fire, think about what healthy habits would energize your body, mind, and soul. How can you work those into an already-overflowing life? The only easy answer is to make them part of your routine. If you have to remember to take your vitamins, you won’t do it most of the time. If you take them with breakfast every morning, you’ll do it automatically. If you crave time to write in your journal, how making that a routine while your child does homework, or while you’re nursing the baby?

1. What energizes you? If you don’t know, sit quietly and ask yourself “What would inspire or energize me right now?”  Listen for the answer.  Watch for it as you go through your day.  What energizes you?  Do it now or schedule it.

2. Start small. You don’t have to paint a masterpiece this year. For today, start by tapping into that deep reservoir of creativity that replenishes you. Maybe that just means sitting in silence in nature.  Soak it in.  Listen to the song your heart sings when it’s full.  Over time, just follow where that song takes you.

3. Go for process, not product.   The point isn't adding something to your list, but replenishing yourself. So forget about being productive; enjoy the creativity, discovery, and communing with your deepest inspiration that gets your juices flowing and connects you to something deeper and more vast.

4. Schedule in a tiny bit of what energizes you, every single day. You may have to let other things drop off your list.  That’s ok.  You’ll have more energy to tackle the laundry on the weekend, for instance, if you keep yourself inspired daily.

5. Create the healthy habits that will energize you.  Write them down on your calendar – one on the first of each month for the next three months.  Start with the easiest, schedule a daily time when you’ll do it, and spend 30 days making it a habit.  Then tackle the next one. (I recommend starting with only a few healthy habits; you can always add more once you master these.)

You'll be amazed at the power of allowing yourself to live more fully. The paradox is that balancing your needs with your child's by keeping yourself energized also makes you a better parent.  What small step can you take today?