Parenting Blog

"The road has been long, hard, and pressure-packed. They made their grades throughout high school....went way beyond normal requirements for community service and extra curriculars...were at computers writing essays long past their parents’ bedtime... left home for the first time to live in dorms as first-year college students....Many — perhaps more than half of them — are anxious, depressed, or simply overwhelmed. Separation anxiety accounts for some of it... they’re now flying solo, without a net...Making new connections and friendships and fitting into the fast-paced social and academic life of college can be challenging. Some first-years quickly become marginalized and lonely. Others are burned out on arrival from the journey that brought them here. The thought of continuing to burn the candle at both ends for more grades becomes more than they can bear.  The loneliness, anxiety, and depression call out for self-soothing. Restlessness, dark emotions, and new freedoms, combined with an abundant supply of alcohol and drugs, lead to high levels of binge drinking...Today, too many kids are succeeding academically and failing psychologically and emotionally." -- Stuart S. Light

Settling into college is a much tougher adjustment these days.  Light says that fewer than 50 percent of college students today are heavy drinkers, and that 10 percent abstain. However, as many as 40 percent can be considered  binge drinkers —  four or more drinks on one occasion. Research links these episodes with blackouts, rape, and other serious consequences.

I'd suggest four solutions to help address this situation:

1. Gap years.  Kids who work this hard in high school often need a break before college.  And research shows the kids who take a year off to work are more motivated and focused once they get to college.

2. Parents need to help kids find healthy ways to relieve stress.  Learning those self-soothing and nurturing habits begins in childhood and evolves throughout life.  This is a challenge for parents, because most parents in our culture don't have healthy habits to relieve stress for themselves, much less their kids. But no parent's job is done whose kid doesn't have healthy (i.e.,not food, or screens, or -- of course -- alcohol) habits to relieve stress. Need ideas?  Exercise, meditation, relaxation tapes, regular time in nature.

3. Parents need to explicitly take the pressure off grades, and instead emphasize exploration and learning. The first year is a great time for students to include an  art or film class, or finally try yoga or martial arts.

4. Colleges need to attend to this problem by intervening in new ways to build community and offer students a sense of connection.  Students are reacting as much to their relocation and loneliness as to pressure.

5. Colleges need to explicitly offer students healthy ways to alleviate stress, from outdoor adventures to yoga classes.  That investment would more than pay off in lower attrition and substance abuse rates.