Parenting Blog

"Our bright, energetic, connected boys often have a lot of feelings to get out every day.  We began a game called "Escape," almost by accident, when the boys were under 3.  We hold them and cackle, 'I won't let you go until all those feelings come out.....you can try to escape, but you won't....ha. ha. ha.!'  They squirm and wriggle and arch and push and slither and I hold them tight.  They laugh and yell and LOVE it.  The game ends with them cuddling up for a chat or escaping -- which is always followed by crawling back on our laps for cuddles or another round of Escape.  They now ask for Escape when they have a lot of feelings inside that they can't express.  This activity can turn an ugly day right around!" -- Lawrence Cohen

Kids build up all kinds of feelings in the course of a day.  Little things we don't even notice evoke big feelings for them. The disappointment when you say no, the frustration of learning to use a scissors, the jealousy when you smile at her brother, the fear of a barking dog, the sense of insignificance when you send just one more important text while she's talking, the powerlessness when she can't reach the light switch in the dark room, the panic when she calls and you don't answer immediately.... Throughout the course of your child's day, every stressful experience builds up cortisol, adrenalin, ACTH, and other stress hormones. 

These stress hormones make kids more cranky and tense.  (They're the same ones that soar in your own body in a challenging traffic situation.) They prevent kids from falling asleep easily. They keep kids on edge, so the slightest additional challenge triggers a tantrum.

Tantrums are nature's way of helping kids let all these feelings out. Emotional tears contain ACTH, adrenaline and other stress-related chemicals. But this only works when kids feel safe while crying -- usually they need to be in your arms or hear your soothing voice.  Kids left to cry it out alone end up with higher levels of stress hormones in their bloodstreams.

So does your kid need to cry a little every day, in your arms?  Babies probably do. Luckily, most kids don't. Like adults, kids can use laughter just as well as tears to discharge tension and built-up anxieties. 

Laughter reduces the levels of stress hormones in our bodies.  Laughter also increases beneficial hormones like endorphins and oxytocin (the happiness hormones), as well as immune system stimulants. And, as you've no doubt noticed, shared laughter creates a sense of closeness.

Can you make it a goal to share deep laughter with your child every day? Luckily, there are countless strategies -- all of which you'll enjoy.  Some of my personal favorites:

1. Start a family pillow fight.  Works great with all ages.

2. Start a family water fight.  Make sure everyone feels safe (so no hose spraying in the face) and that it's a fair fight.

3. Have a competition to take off each other's socks.

4. Crazy animal sounds, silly rhymes, funny faces.

5. Play a game of Escape (detailed in the quote above.)

If you have other favorite ideas, pleasedrop me an email and let me know.  I'll include them on my website.