Parenting Blog

"Now when my four year old starts whining, I hold her. Sometimes it takes ten minutes, but then she tells me when she's done, and goes off.  It seems to ground her.  It grounds me, too." -- Kelly

Whining can drive any parent crazy.  But when kids whine, it's a sign that they're feeling off balance. 

Kelly put it beautifully -- when we reach out to hold a whining child, we really are like a lightning rod, helping our child to ground herself. Once she's restored to a state of balance and well-being, she no longer needs to whine.

Ten minutes can seem like a big investment of time when we're rushing to get something done.  But if you don't take this time to address the root of the whining, your child will almost certainly still be whining in ten minutes. So you can spend this ten minutes peacefully, or feeling irritable.  Besides, in two months, will you even remember what you were rushing to do?

This ten minutes will:

1. Help your child restore his sense of inner balance in this moment (so he no longer needs to whine!)

2. Help your child learn how to restore his own balance in the future, when you aren't around to help.

3. Teach your child that when we can always find our own inner well-being by reconnecting with ourselves in the present moment. (When we don't learn this, we tend to look instead to food, alcohol, technology, etc to regulate our inner states.)

4. Refill your child's cup so the rest of his day unfolds happily.

5. Strengthen your relationship with your child.

6. Help your child know you're on her side (which makes her much more likely to behave.)

7. Strengthen your empathy for your child (which is what helps you raise an emotionally intelligent child.)

8. Ground yourself.  (Think of it as enforced meditation!)

Now, that's what I call ten minutes well-spent. In fact, even if your child isn't whining, you may want to initiate a long snuggle!