Parenting Blog

“Expressing gratitude works. The moment we start taking things for granted—whether it be our husbands or our health—those things stop making us happy." -- Sonja Lyubomirsky, Happiness Researcher

Researchers have found a concrete way to raise your happiness set point.  Every day -- as you fall asleep at night is a good time --  think of three positive things that happened that day.  People who do this get happier almost immediately, and stay happier for as long as they continue this practice.

Why does it work?

1. The state of gratitude is very similar to love.  Scientists say it shifts our heart into a more "coherent" (healthier) rhythm. Meditators might say it opens our hearts. 

2. Focusing on the positive makes us happy.  No matter how bad things are, there is something to be grateful for.  And the better you feel, the more effectively you can respond to any challenge.

3. We program our subconscious to create more of what we're appreciating, especially when we hold a "picture" in our mind that makes us feel good.

You can use variations of this practice all day long to shift your mood, any time.  In fact, you can use it to transform your relationship with your child.  Just find three things you're grateful for about your child.  Really appreciate those things in your own mind.  Better yet, express them, as specifically as you can.

"You worked so hard on that....you must be so proud of yourself!”

“Wow! You picked up your toys! I love how orderly this room looks now!"

“You two kids figured out how to make that fair all by yourselves!”

Ready for an avalanche of appreciation?  Acknowledge everything your child does that you like with as much enthusiasm and specificity as you can. Instead of evaluation ("You're a good girl"), empower your child to notice what she does that leads to good feelings, both inside her and between you. (Kids who feel good, do good.) How?

• Use "I Statements" ("I love how you help me find things in the grocery store....It's so much fun to work together.")

• and Observation("I notice you got your pajamas on all by yourself!")

Do this as many times a day as you can, accompanied frequently by an affectionate hug.   Watch your child blossom.