Parenting Blog

"What happens is not as important as how you react to what happens." -- Thaddeus Golas

Today we're wrapping up our exploration of 10 Commitments that Will Make You a More Inspired Parent -- and a Happier Person -- in 2010.  The 10th commitment:

Keep Perspective.

I know, it's easier said than done. It's simply impossible to see the larger landscape when we're down in the swamps. And every parents finds him or herself in the swamp sometimes.

But if we can just step back, we realize that things are actually hopeful. Start with the fact that you have this child, while there are people all over the world yearning for a child -- or, worse yet, for one they've lost. Notice how you've been transformed into a more loving, patient, responsible, joyful person just by being their parent.  Then consider the sheer joy and aliveness your child brings into your life.

Parents have always wondered how such immature creatures could grow up right.  As Socrates said,"Children nowadays are tyrants. They contradict their parents, gobble their food and tyrannize their teachers." But kids have an uncanny way of surviving all odds and coming out ok, most of the time. As long as you and your child are both alive, it's never too late to heal and grow together.

How can you remember all this when you're in the swamp?

1. Resolve to use every upset as a trigger, a reminder to shift gears. Repeat a mantra that reminds you of what's important, breathe deeply to calm yourself, or just take a timeout to calm down.  In the beginning, you'll be interrupting your tantrum mid-yell. That's ok.  Stop and leave the room. Soon you'll be able to course correct before you open your mouth.
 
2. Find sustainable ways to stay centered.  Exercise, meditation, writing in a journal -- whatever works for you. Do it every day, like brushing your teeth, and for the same reason (It keeps you healthy. And without it, the world doesn't see the best of you.)

3. Consciously wean yourself off stress and delete it from your life.  Stress is not necessary; it's an addiction.  Miserable for your family, shortens your life, makes you fat, and it's impossible to be an inspired parent when you're stressed.

4. Fake it till you make it. Research shows that when we smile, our mood improves. When we speak in a loving voice, we begin to feel more tender. Our child responds to our patience with affection, and before we know it, we're out of the swamp.

5. Remember that it's all small stuff. In the long run, only love matters.

Sure, your kids will make mistakes, and so will you. There are no perfect parents, no perfect children, and no prefect families.  But there are families who live in the embrace of great love, where everyone thrives.

The only way to create that kind of family is to make daily choices that take you in that direction.  It's not magic, just the hard work of course correction to stay on the right path.  But if you look for it, you can always find trailmarks and support to beckon you onward to a more rewarding life. 

Just keep taking positive steps. Before you know it, you'll find your self in a whole new landscape.