Parenting Blog

When BlogHer and LG asked me to interview teens I know about sexting, I was game but blasé.  I regard my kids, their friends, and my nieces and nephews as a thoughtful, responsible bunch, and I was pretty sure I knew what they would say.  I was wrong.

The surprise?  They think sexting is fine, unless it's not consensual.  It's completely context-specific. In other words, this is not about whether sexting is right or wrong, but about whether it’s consensual. In addition, they assume a right of privacy that I don’t see in most discussions on sexting.  At least it's good to know they've been paying attention in history class!

Their views:

1. If someone you don’t know texts you, whether it is a sext or not, it is inappropriate.  There are other ways for someone you don’t know to reach you, if they have a legitimate reason.  Texting is too intimate for a stranger to use, too invasive. It should be ignored, and if it happens again, parents should be informed.  This is stalking.

2. If someone you do know texts you, ok.  But if the message is the least bit inappropriate (flirtatious, risqué, gossipy, sexting, bullying, threatening), and you have not invited this level of interaction, send them a text back asking them to stop texting you.  If they persist, ignore them and ask a parent for help.  This is harassment.

3. If you have invited a deeper level of intimacy with someone you know, then it is fine for them to be flirtatious or risqué in their texting, which might even proceed to the level of sending risqué photos of themselves.  Adults do this all the time via email.It is inappropriate for the government to snoop on the correspondence of citizens, including teenagers.  It is discriminatory for the government to prosecute teens for consensual sexting.  Court cases in the past few decades established that teens have the right to keep their lockers free of random searches, and future cases will establish teens’ right to freedom from cell phone intrusions. Consensual sexting is a private interaction protected by the Privacy clauses in the Bill of Rights.

4. A person not party to the interaction cannot be considered a consensual participant.  Receiving a photo of a third person is an indicator that the sender has bad judgment and worse ethics.  It should be met with an immediate cease and desist, and parents' help should be solicited. This is a form of bullying (of the third person).

5. Sending a photo of another person who is underage is illegal (in addition to everything in #4, above.) Such an interaction should be reported immediately to parents. This is not only creepy, but criminal.

What do you think?

Because this topic is so important for our kids and their futures, BlogHer really wants to get the conversation about texting, sexting and safety going – both with our kids and among parents. It will match LG’s donation of .50 to dosomething.org for every comment on this post, so every comment is worth a dollar, either here or on the BlogHer site. When else are your words so lucrative?

Have you had a conversation with your kids (or nephews/nieces, grandchildren) about texting, sexting and safety?  BlogHer  is matching LG’s  donation of .50 to dosomething.org for every comment on this post, so please tell me about your conversation with your kids in the comments. Or if you haven’t had the conversation yet, what’s holding you back? Maybe another reader will have the perfect suggestion for how you can get your conversation going. It’s important for all our families, and a great way to donate to dosomething.org.