Parenting Blog

"Believing in the true spirit of my December holiday, I commit myself to:
Remember those people who truly need my gifts
Express my love in more direct ways than gifts
Examine my holiday activities in the light of my deepest values
Be a peacemaker within my circle of family and friends
Rededicate myself to my spiritual growth."
- Jo Robinson & Jean Coppock Staeheli

"Love is what's in the room with you if you stop opening presents and listen." -- Bobby, age 7

If you have a deep faith and keep the rituals of your religious tradition, then you’ve probably given a lot of thought to your child’s spiritual development and have your holiday religious plans all mapped out. 

If, on the other hand, you wonder how to put what you believe into words and aren’t sure what spiritual beliefs you want to pass on to your kids, this post is for you.

All humans have a spiritual dimension.  You don’t have to believe in a supreme being to teach your child the great universal spiritual lessons. Whatever your beliefs, you probably want your children to know that life is sacred, that nature deserves a certain reverence, that your child's presence in the world contributes to joy and goodness, that things have a way of working out (not always as we expect), that the greatest joy usually comes from connecting and sharing with others, and that while we don't always get what we want, we can always choose to make the most of what we get. 

Some ideas for nondenominational, and God-optional, spirituality, at the holidays and any time:

1. Nurture your child’s natural sense of wonder, which is the beginning of spirituality. People who feel connected to nature are healthier physically and emotionally. Don’t feel you have to turn it into a science lesson, reducing the sacred whole to mechanistic parts. Just try to build in enough time so you can stop rushing your child past the wondrous moments of everyday life: sun glittering on the snow, the rising moon, candles in the dark, the fragrance of green things... all remind us that we're surrounded by miracles.  

2. Let children hear the sounds of silence.  Many of us use background TV and radio as a way to avoid being alone with ourselves.  Children, even more than the rest of us, need quiet time to simply be present with themselves.  Music is a wonderful part of setting the mood in your house, and singing is essential to celebration.  But if radio or TV voices are intruding on the peacefulness of your home, it increases everyone's tension level. Why not take the opportunity over the holidays to turn off the TV and radio, and lift the mood with inspiring music--or simply hear the power in silence?

3. Take time as a family for reflection.  If your tradition includes prayer, what better time than these special days in December, when so many religions celebrate the miracle of faith?  But whether you pray or not, how about a family conversation about the deeper meaning of the holiday you celebrate? Maybe you'll decide to open your holiday dinner with a special candle lighting ritual or gratitude ceremony to remind you why you're all together.

4. Model gratitude.  Gratitude is a time-honored spiritual path that makes us happier and more generous regardless of our beliefs about the nature of the divine.  The deeper our gratitude, the greater our ability to receive, and the more we get out of life.   Of course, children don't have the context to understand their many blessings, and guilt isn't an effective teacher.   Modeling is the best strategy, simply noting aloud, frequently, how lucky we are to have this sunny day, this bountiful meal, this reliable car, such a terrific teacher or neighbor, and, of course, each other.  Family habits like grace before meals, counting our blessings, or a thank you at bedtime for the delights of the day plant seeds for your child to develop a deeper gratitude with maturity.

5. Help your child find his inner angel.  Children (like the rest of us) find it puzzling that the world is so often unjust.  Whatever your religious beliefs, you probably want your kids to know that the angels -- literally or figuratively -- depend on our help. Research shows that the experience of giving actually activates an area of the brain that gives us physical pleasure. Generosity starts with a feeling of having plenty  -- emotionally, more than materially -- and develops as we have experiences of making others happy by giving to them.  If we want to teach our kids the true meaning of the holidays, we need to help them have the experience of giving to others, so they can discover their own joy in it.  If you don't already have a holiday tradition of giving as a family, why not make ornaments or cookies as a family, and let your child enjoy giving them away throughout the month without regard to whether you're receiving in return? 

Love is always in the room with you.  What better time to help your child listen?