Parenting Blog

"I am a recovering perfectionist.  Before, I experienced that I and everyone else was always falling short, that who we were and what we did was never quite good enough.  I sat in judgment on life itself.  Perfectionism is the belief that life is broken...Wholeness lies beyond perfection. The life within us is diminished by judgment...." -- Dr. Naomi Remen

I first went to therapy as a young woman because I hoped it would make me perfect. Even once I learned that wasn't possible, I still aimed for perfection, figuring that falling short would at least get me closer to perfection.  Secretly, I thought that only by being perfect would I be good enough to be lovable.

It wasn't until I became a mother that I realized perfectionism is always the enemy of love. By definition, perfectionism is judging ourselves, our loved ones, and life as not good enough.  We reject the present moment --  peanut butter hands, tear-stained face and all -- in favor of some idealized image which can never be real, always holding ourselves back from really loving. (Because how can you love while you're judging?)  We think once we lose weight, our child gets through this phase, and our spouse gets a raise, our real life will start.  But as John Lennon once said, Life is what happens to you while you're busy making other plans.

So if you're trying to be a perfect parent and raise perfect kids, imagine going through childhood with a mother who thinks you aren't good enough.

Ready to renounce perfection?  Remind yourself, like a mantra: "I are more than enough, just the way I am."

When your child (shockingly!) turns out not to be perfect, say "That's ok, honey. You don't have to be perfect. Nobody's perfect, not even grownups. You are more than enough, just the way you are. You are such a gift to me, and to the world, just the way you are, and I love you so much, no matter what."

You might find that in the midst of imperfection, life feels a whole lot more perfect.