Parenting Blog

My memories of Christmas as a child are of stress. My mother wanted everything to be perfect and got so worked up trying to do it all that it made the rest of the family crazy. I remember my dad comforting me when I was about 8yrs-old, I was crying and said “I hate Christmas” and he said “I do, too, honey. We just have to get through it.” For my kids I try to be relaxed and fun. We make ornaments for friends and family in December and give them out as we see people — gets us into the giving without thought of receiving. We take time to see the lights around town, to decorate and appreciate our tree. We talk about the other festivals of lights and remember that feasting and gifts are to make the darkest, coldest time of year merry. We celebrate the return of the sun.  We relax and play and laugh and appreciate each other.” -- Amy S

The most essential skill for parents, at the holidays and every day? Manage yourself so you can stay calm and loving with your child.  And that always starts with giving up on perfection and nurturing ourselves.

Remember that the holidays aren't just stressful for you, they're actually stressful for children.  So much longing gets stimulated (just like for us.)  So much excitement gets triggered, which needs an outlet somewhere.  Famllies are busier.  Parents are more stressed, more snappish. 

Children depend on us, both to regulate their environment, and to help them regulate their moods. If you’re out of balance, you won’t be able to help your kids stay on an even keel. In fact, if you’re anxious about everything you have to get done, I promise you that your children will begin to act out.

Your kids don’t need a magazine-spread holiday. They need you, in a good mood, living the spirit of the season and spreading love and good cheer.  How?

• Pare back your schedule to do only the essentials. Just say no to whatever doesn’t bring you joy. 
• Be sure your own expectations of the season are reasonable. (What makes you think your difficult relative will suddenly be less difficult this year?)
• Make sure you nurture yourself and stay in balance. Start by getting enough sleep.
• The minute your mood veers from loving to frenzied, stop. Hug your children and regroup.
• Count your blessings and say thank you for everything good in your life, every day.
• Find ways to laugh at what will inevitably go wrong.
• Pat yourself on the back and congratulate yourself on a job well done, not just in December, but all year long.

What does your family really need?  What can you do to fill your home with the real thing – love and joy and meaning?

(Clue: Presence, more than presents. Which means keeping your own cup full, so you can fill everyone else's.)