Parenting Blog

"Acknowledgment has far greater impact on a child's idea of self than praise. Praise is about what we think and what we like, acknowledgment is about the child. Acknowledgment builds confidence because it says who the child is, not just what we think." -- Sandra R. Blackard

Trish's son was drawing. "Say it, Mom!" he urged.  "You're using the blue marker..." she observed. James smiled, satisfied.

Why is it so deeply satisfying for our children when we say what we see them doing?
Our child feels:

1. Truly seen.
2. Accepted, not judged.
3. The deep connection of shared attention.
4. Our full presence in that moment, with him.
5. Valued because we're attending to what matters to him.

This is a high-powered tool that builds our child's self-esteem and helps our child WANT to behave.  It fosters emotional intelligence and a close parent-child relationship. And yet, how often do most of us use this tool?  It's a bit like having a washing machine and ignoring it while we wash clothes by hand.

How can you get in the habit of Saying What You See?  Put a stickie on your refrigerator to remind you to practice a little every day.  What can you say?

"The clay is squishing through your fingers."
"You're making the bath bubbles swirl fast."
"You are so excited!"
"You want to win this game!"
"You are so disappointed."
"This isn't what you hoped for."
"You have been working and working on this."
"You are getting frustrated."
"You want to do it yourself."
"You are climbing up all by yourself."
"You like to know what's going to happen."
"You really don't like spinach and you wish you could never see it again!"
"You are jumping and jumping!"

You just say what you see, matching your child's tone.  And watch your child blossom like a flower in your loving attention.