Parenting Blog

“…you will find very positive changes taking place within yourself. You will find that you are able to be more accepting and forgiving towards yourself. You will find that the feelings you have towards your loved ones will increase. You will find yourself making friends with people you used to be indifferent and uncaring towards, and you will find the ill-will or resentment you have towards some people will lessen and eventually be dissolved.” – Ven S. Dhammika

No discussion of taming the inner critic would be complete without discussing the magic of meditation.  The Buddha said meditation creates “unconditional friendliness to the self.” Speaking personally, I trace most of my own personal growth to meditation.

Why is meditation so powerful? 

• We don't get rid of the mind, but as we notice our thoughts, we're no longer controlled by them. 
• We retrain the inner critic.
• We cultivate the ability to sit in the deliciousness of the present moment, rather than obsessing about the past, the future, the way things should be, or how right we are.
• Our natural sense of well-being has a chance to come through.  We bypass the inner critic.
• As we sit watching the “show” our minds present, all our old stored-up emotions come up. As we breathe through them, they pass away and we’re free of their influence.
• Once we aren't fending off those emotions, we become less defensive, less angry, less prone to annoyance. Our moods get sunnier, which makes our minds less fear-based and critical.

There are many ways to meditate. Here are two of my favorites.  In both cases, sit comfortably in a chair or on a pillow, eyes closed, back straight. (Don’t lie down or you’ll fall asleep.)

1. Focus your attention on your breath. Just notice as the breath moves into your nostrils and then out.  Don’t follow your breath into your body or try to change it. 

2. Focus your attention on your body. Start by noticing your feet. Notice the twinges, the soreness, the aliveness.Then move your attention up into your ankles and feel your ankles fully. Move gradually through your entire body. Any areas that feel numb?Keep focusing, they’ll come alive. As you sweep through your body, you’ll notice various feelings come up. That’s because emotions are stored in the body.  Just breathe through them and let them go.

With either of these methods, as thoughts arise, just let them go and refocus your attention on your breathing (I guarantee the universe will give you another chance at any important thoughts later.)

Notice you aren’t your thoughts. Your mind is doing the thinking. You are consciousness beyond your thoughts.  You are like the sky, your thoughts are like the clouds.  Similar to clouds, they get in the way of the sunshine that is always available to you.

If you’re like most of us, you’ll find that your mind wanders a great deal when you begin meditating.  Simply bringing your attention back to your meditation in a loving way is terrific practice in unconditional love – for yourself.

You can start with only five minutes a day. Check it off on the calendar and give yourself plenty of acknowledgment.  As you notice how good you feel, you'll want to move up gradually to fifteen minutes, or even thirty.

I know, you're a parent. Even 15 minutes is a stretch. But you'll notice that meditation is like a splash of sunshine.  The more you do it, the calmer and sunnier you'll be with your kids.  And if you do it a lot, you don't need as much sleep.  How's that for win/win?