Parenting Blog

I was at a social gathering with the most beautiful toddler.  His grandmother was sitting with him while he played with his toy cars.  “What color is that one?” she would ask, and this little boy, only two years old, would say “Wed!” or “Boo!”  He even knew “Geen” and “Yewwow.”  Then she showed him the aqua-colored car, and he said “Boo?”  “That’s Turquoise.” corrected Grandma. “Can you say Turquoise?”

Watching this little boy’s face, I realized that he felt bad.  Then it hit me.  He felt dumb.  Here he is, only two, and he knows all these colors, and he feels bad because he doesn’t Turquoise! Think about it. By definition, the game escalates through all the right answers until the child is stumped.  It wouldn’t matter if the two year old knew what chartreuse was but then stumbled on mauve.  His take-away is that he was tested and he failed. HE doesn’t know that he has done better than most kids his age.

For the grownup, this is a fun game, a teaching game.  For even the smartest child, it’s an exercise that always ends up making him feel dumb.

So don't test your youngster, and don't let Grandma do it either. It doesn't matter if you're quizzing a toddler about what color the cars are, or a preschooler on what the stop sign says; or a budding genius on trigonometry.  The game is designed to continue until the child fails, so sooner or later they don't know the answer, and they'll feel like they should, no matter how unreasonable it is. That self-doubt can last for the rest of his life, even if he’s brilliant.