Parenting Blog

"Before you were conceived I wanted you
Before you were born I loved you
Before you were here an hour I would die for you
This is the miracle of life."
-- Maureen Hawkins

When my son was born, I spent the whole night gazing at him and making promises.  The next morning, I couldn't believe that the hospital let us take him home.  Zero supervision, zero training, just two completely inexperienced parents and this tiny, fragile, brand new person.

Such an enormous responsibility, so little preparation, so few answers, such high stakes.  The sheer impossibility of our task is what makes parents so critical of each other.  We need desperately to believe we have done, are doing, the right thing.

Of course, there are no perfect parents.  I broke many of those promises to my son.  Some of them wouldn't have been good for him, but some I broke simply because I'm human.  The miracle is that most of the time, love carries us through, and our kids come out fine.

What about those times when you can't find your love, when you just feel angry and resentful and like giving up? That's human too.  The secret is that the love didn't vanish.  It's still there, under the anger.  If you can find a way to take care of yourself, so you're willing to let go of the anger, love will still carry you through.  But you're the parent, so you have to lead the way back to love.  That's the promise we all make when we bring a child into the world.