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"When children feel their needs really matter to their parents, they can meet their parents with cooperation." -- Sura Hart
When kids think they have to fight to get their needs met, everything becomes a fight. When kids feel powerless to convince us their needs are legitimate, they whine.
The foolproof way to get kids cooperating is to partner with them so everyone's needs get met. "You want to go to the playground. I need to run some errands and get us home in time for the baby's nap. If you get dressed quickly so we can get going, and help me with the errands, we should have time to stop at the playground for forty minutes on our way home. Win-win! Ok?" Before you know it, your kids will be bringing you solutions that meet both your needs and theirs.
Of course, not all wants are needs. But when we meet kids' deeper needs to be seen, appreciated, and connected, they're happier and more cooperative, so we can better distinguish their needs from the fleeting desires they think will make them happy.
"You want to go to the playground. Today I need to grocery shop and get us home in time for the baby's nap, so there's no time for the playground. I know that's disappointing. Do you think during the baby's nap you and I can spend some special time together playing that new game? And having your help while we shop would get us home faster. You're the best at keeping the baby happy while we shop!"
Win-win sure beats whining and fighting. As my son used to say as a preschooler: "We're all happy now!"
When kids think they have to fight to get their needs met, everything becomes a fight. When kids feel powerless to convince us their needs are legitimate, they whine.
The foolproof way to get kids cooperating is to partner with them so everyone's needs get met. "You want to go to the playground. I need to run some errands and get us home in time for the baby's nap. If you get dressed quickly so we can get going, and help me with the errands, we should have time to stop at the playground for forty minutes on our way home. Win-win! Ok?" Before you know it, your kids will be bringing you solutions that meet both your needs and theirs.
Of course, not all wants are needs. But when we meet kids' deeper needs to be seen, appreciated, and connected, they're happier and more cooperative, so we can better distinguish their needs from the fleeting desires they think will make them happy.
"You want to go to the playground. Today I need to grocery shop and get us home in time for the baby's nap, so there's no time for the playground. I know that's disappointing. Do you think during the baby's nap you and I can spend some special time together playing that new game? And having your help while we shop would get us home faster. You're the best at keeping the baby happy while we shop!"
Win-win sure beats whining and fighting. As my son used to say as a preschooler: "We're all happy now!"
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