Parenting Blog

Yelling and disciplining can ruin anyone’s day.  Happy parents, on the other hand, may look more calm and patient, but they aren’t working at it – they’re just enjoying their children. This, of course, creates a better parent-child relationship, which produces better-behaved kids – so there’s less need to work at being patient through clenched teeth. 

Happy parents spend the same amount of time parenting as other parents, but they don’t work as hard at it because they don’t need to.  What are their secrets?

• Perhaps the most important secret of happy parents is that they’ve actually found a way to make parenting easier. Happy parents know that from tantrums to texting, the secret of happy parenting is a close relationship with their child; their kids want to please them because they’ve built an exceptionally strong bond.  Parenting effectively always depends on our connection to our kids. Without that connection, we have little influence ("My kids won't listen!") and, frankly, parenting becomes an exhausting, thankless task.

• Happy parents think in terms of long-term development rather than short-term compliance.  They don’t punish, even with “timeouts” or “consequences.” Instead, they encourage and guide, helping kids develop the emotional intelligence they need to make wise choices. They're committed to seeing things from their child's point of view so kids feel heard and understood.  As a result, kids "own" parental limits and internalize self-discipline at an earlier age.

• Happy parents have high expectations of their kids at the same time that they offer a ton of support.  That means they don’t compromise about family time, respectful relating, good study habits, or other core values.  That makes for happier parents and (ultimately) happier kids. At the same time, happy parents are committed to providing as much hand-holding as needed while their kids solidify their skills and habits, in whatever arena.

• Happy parents know that when we feel good, we're better parents.  Quite simply, we can only give what we have inside. They keep their own cups full.

• Happy parents manage their own emotions so they can give their kids the best of themselves, rather than the rest of themselves. They notice when their moods veer into negativity and steer themselves back.

How do they do it?  Don’t worry, they aren’t perfect.  In fact, another trait shared by happy parents is that they renounce perfection.  They embrace the inevitable blunders and mishaps of being human, knowing that compassion for themselves gives them the emotional equilibrium to be generous to their kids.  Self-nurture is what makes it possible for them to love their kids unconditionally. They consciously “parent” themselves, as well as their kids.

Welcome to the work of parenting.  Of course, that's where the rewards are, too.