Parenting Blog

 “The single biggest enemy of your happiness is your neurological fear network.  We think of fear as just a thought, but it’s not.  The fabric of fear has been woven into our brains, creating a neurological entity that has lasted as long as mankind.  The fear system is insidious and full of deceit. When we are tormented by the many faces of fear — perfectionism, obsession, insecurity, shyness, guilt — we often try to make sense of our pain by assuming that something is wrong with our lives.”
-- Dan Baker, Ph.D.

The biggest enemy of your happiness is fear.  It shows up as perfectionism, guilt, worry.  That doesn't mean something's wrong with you -- that's just how human minds are designed.  They work hard to keep us safe.  But happiness is nowhere in their job description.  

In fact, all those “protective” negative thoughts always cause unhappy emotions: " If I don’t do something drastic right now my kid will grow up to be a criminal....I just know she won’t stay in bed tonight and I’ll end up screaming at her again...If only I were a better mother...."

And those emotions trigger us into taking actions we wouldn't take if we were feeling happy and loving.  (If you don't know that from personal experience, you aren't a parent.)

But it doesn't have to be that way.  Fear vanishes when we consciously cultivate love.  How?  Change those thoughts.

1. Notice each and every negative thought and reframe it: “No, my child will not grow up to be a criminal.  He’s acting like a kid because he IS a kid.”
2. Disable fear: "There's no emergency.  This is going to be okay."
3. Allow the possibility of happy outcomes.  When you find yourself manufacturing negative scenarios, train yourself to reframe: “Wouldn’t it be nice if this evening everything went smoothly at bedtime? Wouldn’t it be nice if tonight I felt calm and knew just what to do?”
4. Show your subconscious a picture of what you want more of:  You and your child, happily snuggling...Your child, sleeping like an angel.  Your subconscious will accept any marching orders it's given, and use all your resources to make it happen. That's why YOU want to be in charge, rather than letting fear take over. Love never fails. 

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