Parenting Blog

"You are a great wizard. You can use your powers to practice white magic on yourself instead of the other kind. The most basic way to do that is to concentrate on naming, savoring, and feeling gratitude for the blessings you do have -- your love for your kid, the pleasures of eating the food you like, the sight of the sky at dusk, the entertaining drama of your unique fate. Don't ignore the bad stuff, but make a point of celebrating the beautiful stuff with all the exuberant devotion you can muster."  -- Rob Brezsny

We've almost completed the ten steps of Heal Our Ability to Love Unconditionally.  Step Nine is:

Cultivate gratitude, all day, every day.  Gratitude is the easiest path to love.

Every spiritual tradition includes a practice of gratitude.  Why? Because it works.  Research shows that the more often we feel grateful, the happier we are.  The heartfelt expression of gratitude lifts us out of the mind’s usual restless feeling of “not enough” into the joy of sufficiency.  We open ourselves to take in the blessings that surround us.

Certainly, when we're happier we're better parents.  More able to relax and enjoy our kids, be patient, set an upbeat tone, let stress roll off our back.

But something more happens when we practice gratitude. Dwelling on the positive moves us very quickly into a state of grace, of taking in goodness.  Quite simply, feeling grateful makes us feel loved.  It fills us. It even heals us.  And the more we're filled with love, the more we can give it. 

How can you use this in your life?

1. Find something to be grateful for every minute and soak in every blessing: Your child’s exuberance, a hot cup of coffee, the opportunity to be kind to someone, the changing leaves of autumn. Gratitude transforms our mood, attitude, actions, how we perceive our world.  If all you do is offer appreciation -- to your child, your spouse, yourself, Life -- you'll find your whole day transformed.

2. Feeling too bad to find gratitude?  Remember that “We're not grateful because we're happy.  We're happy because we're grateful.”  Shift your bad mood with an avalanche of appreciation. No matter how difficult the day, there is always something for which to be grateful.  You can even do this with your kids -- they love it! Just start naming things you're grateful for. Keep it up for five minutes, and your whole mood will have shifted.

3. At bedtime, list five positive things that happened, large and small. Notice why they happened. You'll be programming your subconscious to create more of those things.  Don’t go to sleep without going through this simple ritual. Researchers claim this is a concrete way to raise your happiness set point so that you end up happier on a daily basis. Why not try it?  You might change your life.

4. Want to be happier with your kids in three minutes?  Find three things you're grateful for about your child.  Really appreciate those things.  Better yet, express them. Watch your child blossom.

Grandma knew what she was talking about when she told you to "Count your blessings." Unconditional gratitude is the easiest path to healing your ability to love unconditionally.