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"Whenever
I held my newborn baby in my arms, I used to think that what I said and
did to him could have an influence not only on him but on all whom he
met, not only for a day or a month or a year, but for all eternity - a
very challenging and exciting thought for a mother." -- Rose Kennedy
Most parents take their job as teachers very seriously. We teach our kids colors. ABCs. Sharing. Right from wrong.
But
sometimes we don't even notice a much more important lesson we're
imparting to our children: how to manage themselves and their feelings.
This is the basis of emotional intelligence (EQ), which will determine
their quality of life much more fundamentally than their IQ.
Kids learn how to manage "big feelings" when we stay calm in the face of their upset, accept feelings while we limit actions, and "love" them back into emotional equilibrium. Research shows their brains learn to self soothe through this process. Eventually, they learn to stabilize themselves even in the face of stressful situations and emotions.
That's the unconditional love that we all know every child needs. When we love them even while they're raging, or needy, or demanding. When we see past the bad behavior to the overwhelmed, frightened child underneath. When we love them, difficult feelings and all, instead of sending them away until they can "act right." When we love first, and then wait until they're calm and can actually learn before we talk about appropriate behavior.
Research shows that kids who receive this unconditional love when they're upset learn to manage their emotions earlier than other kids. They're closer to their parents through the teen years and beyond. They're more skilled at calming themselves, and handle stress better, both as kids and as adults.
Unconditional love creates higher EQ. That means a child who can manage herself, and therefore her behavior. A child who grows into a person who walks in love and acts with powerful presence. A person who makes the world a better place, just by being herself. A challenging and exciting thought for us as parents? Indeed. It's the most important thing you're teaching, every day.
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treatment. If you say "himself" it is understood as a generic reflexive pronoun like "themselves". Stop trying to be so politically correct. Nice article, by the way.