Parenting Blog

“Whatever they grow up to be, they are still our children, and the one most important of all the things we can give to them is unconditional love. Not a love that depends on anything at all except that they are our children.” -- Rosaleen Dickson



"It's not only children who grow. Parents do too." -- Joyce Maynard



"Experience is that marvelous thing that enables you to recognize a mistake when you make it again."
 --  F. P. Jones

We've reached the final step of our series Ten Steps to Unconditional Love. (Links to each of the previous steps are available on this original post.)  

Step Ten? 
Repeat daily. Watch your life transform. 



Healing our ability to love unconditionally requires daily practice as we catch the curve balls of life.  That's because into every life some rain must fall.  Some lives require tremendous courage, just to get up in the morning. Even those of us whose lives are objectively “good” still live with our all too human mind, which is designed to keep us "safe" (read: anxious). Happiness is nowhere in its job description.

If we want to be happy, if we want to love unconditionally, we must take responsibility for our own happiness.  How?  Learn to manage our moods with meditation, gratitude, serving a higher good, and other mindfulness practices. These habits, research shows, do work to increase happiness levels, but they have to be "practiced" daily.  Most of us don't wake up feeling happy every morning.  So every morning we start over, managing our moods, reconnecting with the deep springs inside that replenish us, and choosing to love ourselves and our child unconditionally.  That mindful self-management is what keeps us from getting hijacked by our emotions.  It's what frees us to love.

Nothing has to be different for you to love yourself exactly as you are.  Why wait? I know you're not perfect. (You're human, right?) When your child is at his worst is when he most needs your most compassionate understanding.  And when you're most ashamed of yourself is when you most need your own forgiveness and acceptance. So don't wait for perfect. Just do your best and take it one step at a time.  Loving unconditionally means it's not all about us. It's not even all about our child.  It's all about love.
 
There is no such thing as a perfect parent. But it is entirely possible to be a better parent every day. After all, you have live-in teachers and 24/7 lessons! 

Use your mistakes to your advantage. They aren’t mistakes if you learn from them, they’re life lessons in your parenting PhD. That’s why spiritual masters call it a Practice.  At first, it seems impossible. But it's like playing the piano. In the beginning, scales are a challenge. But if you practice, in a year you can play a sonata.


 
Just keep practicing, bringing awareness to every interaction, finding that moment of freedom between the stimulus (your child's behavior) and your own reaction.


 
Noticing is what gives us a choice next time. The miracle of one foot in front of the other, in the right direction, is that one day you look around, and all the scenery is different.


 
Enjoy the journey.  I'm honored to accompany you for this stretch.



P.S.  Want More?  My new ebook, 10 Steps to Live the Love You Want – and Give It to Your Child  will be available tomorrow so you can print out the entire series and keep it handy.