Parenting Blog

"Before we're 8 years old, we have almost no capacity to filter out information that comes to us. So if parents or teachers, people we count on to nurture us, say something hurtful to us before the age of eight...it goes in quite deep and we carry those misbeliefs with us. They profoundly affect our relationship to ourselves, to others...our sense of value in the world."  -- Dr. David Simon

What did you learn before you were eight?  That you're a capable person, worthy of adoring love and an abundant life, lovable exactly as you are, even with all of your messy imperfections, bodily functions, anger, fear, and neediness?  Or maybe that you somehow aren't lovable enough to have your needs completely met, that some of your feelings and body parts are shameful, that harsh words or even blows might rain down on you at any time?

I'm hoping the former.  But if you're like most of us, you learned some things before you were eight that no child should learn, that no adult should be carrying around as motivating beliefs. Most of us have long since driven those unbearable thoughts into the dark regions of half-memory, or tried to cover them with bravado, but that only increases their power, unfortunately. 

The good news is that you have the secret weapon to get rid of those untruths, and it doesn't take years of therapy.  Here's how:

1. Notice the places in your life where you're unhappy, stuck, worried.  What's the limiting belief?  (Hint: Regardless of the original situation, the bottom line is always that we aren't good enough or lovable enough, which will cause us to be abandoned and die.)

2. Feel that unbearable feeling.  Just stop, drop, and endure it for a couple of minutes. Breathe. Notice that while it would have been unbearable for a child, it's not unbearable now. 

3. Give yourself a new thought:  "I am more than enough, exactly as I am." Let that love sink into every cell of your body.

That's it.  Shining the light of awareness on our toxic beliefs -- by simply noticing them, tolerating the feelings, and correcting the limiting belief  -- makes them dry up and blow away.  Of course, messages we got before we were eight might take repeated sessions. 

Which is why I've been focusing so much lately on supporting you in speaking gently to your children.  Whether they're four or fourteen, your words have tremendous power with them.  What beliefs do you want your child carrying for the rest of his or her life? This is your chance to work miracles.