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Last night I had one of those difficult nights
where ...my anger and exhaustion were just as raw as my 3 year old's... I
was sifting through my mind...something that I could say or do to change the negative feeling ...finally it came
to me from one of your Daily Inspirations ……that I could just give him
an out and promise to do better and above all I wanted him to know I
loved him.... I said, “It has been such a tough day and I think you
need a hug” I picked him up and he clung to me like a monkey in that
dark room and squeezed his body close to me so much that it took my
breath away and all my anger just melted. Even though I had raised my
voice and we both had said hurtful things to each other ---in the end it
is just about trust and love. I said “I’m so sorry I yelled at
you and you have been upset. It has been a tough night for you and for
mommy and it is OK ….sometimes all of us can have good days and tough
days and today was a tough day wasn’t it? Tomorrow we will
have a better day, OK?” He nodded against me and I told him that I
loved him and we continued onto our evening song and connectedness
rituals that I love, like we had never had such a disastrous evening.
-- Kristina
We've all had those moments with our
child.
When we're stuck and we don't know what to do.
When our own feelings are so raw, our frustration so intense,
our cup so empty, we stop caring for the moment about what our child
needs and just lash out.
Then we're overcome with remorse. But in that moment, with the tidal wave of our emotions washing over us, what can we possibly do to save the situation?
No matter how ugly your child was acting, what he or she wants more than anything in the world is to reconnect with you.
It may seem impossible, but if we feel the slightest glimmer of
desire to turn things around, we can grab it. We don't even have to know
how. We can just choose love. There is always a way to reach out to
our child and reconnect, even
when we're on a cycle of negativity that's gone too far.
When things have gone too far, just STOP.
1. Breathe.
2. Stop berating yourself for letting things get out of control. Hug your imperfect self.
3. Reach out for your child.
In the end, it is always about love. Love never fails.
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because his sister was throwing a fit over brushing her teeth. . . there was yelling, and door slamming (embarrassingly enough, from both of us). . . but in the end, we had loving words, and before she drifted off to sleep, I knew that we were OK and tomorrow
is another day. Compassion (with ourselves, too!) is key - there will be battles of wills and awful screaming matches. But when the smoke clears, loving words will help pick up the pieces and start again. http://little-willa-lamb.blogspot.com/2012/02/battles-of-wills-and-words-of-love.html
your little monster! thank you for sharing!