Parenting Blog

"Last night I had one of those difficult nights where ...my anger and exhaustion were just as raw as my 3 year old's... I was sifting through my mind...something that I could say or do to stop the course of events or change the negative feeling ...finally it came to me from one of your Daily Inspirations ……that I could just give him an out and promise to do better and above all I wanted him to know I loved him.... I said, “It has been such a tough day and I think you need a hug” I picked him up and he clung to me like a monkey in that dark room and squeezed his body close to me so much that it took my breath away and all my anger just melted. Even though I had raised my voice and we both had said hurtful things to each other ---in the end it is just about trust and love. I said “I’m so sorry I yelled at you and you have been upset. It has been a tough night for you and for mommy and it is OK ….sometimes all of us can have good days and tough days and today was a tough day wasn’t it?  Tomorrow we will have a better day, OK?”  He nodded against me and I told him that I loved him and we continued onto our evening song and connectedness rituals that I love, like we had never had such a disastrous evening." -- Kristina

We've all had those moments with our child.  When we're stuck and we don't know what to do. When our own feelings are so raw, our frustration so intense, our cup so empty, we stop caring for the moment about what our child needs and just lash out.

Then we're overcome with remorse.  But in that moment, with the tidal wave of our emotions washing over us, what can we possibly do to save the situation?

No matter how ugly your child was acting, what he or she wants more than anything in the world is to reconnect with you. 

It may seem impossible, but if we feel the slightest glimmer of desire to turn things around, we can grab it. We don't even have to know how.  We can just choose love. We can always find a way to reach out to our child and reconnect. We can always find a way to heal things, even when we're on a cycle of negativity that's gone too far.

When things have gone too far, just STOP. 

1. Breathe. 

2. Stop berating yourself for letting things get out of control.  Hug your imperfect self.

3. Reach out for your child.

In the end, it is always about love. Love never fails.

What about those times when you're holding it together, or just barely, but you feel your child has gone too far?  Yesterday a reader told me "When he pees on his baby brother, things have gone too far."  She's right!  Her son is pleading for her help.  Watch for tomorrow's post.