Parenting Blog

"Returning ourselves back to a state of love is our number one responsibility. While it is important to our children, we owe it to ourselves, as well. We deserve to be living in a state of peace and calm." -- Heather T. Forbes

There's a reason the airlines tell us to put on our own oxygen masks first.  Kids can't reach those masks or be relied on to use them properly.  If we lose function, our kids can't save us, or themselves. So even if we would sacrifice ourselves to save our kids, it's our responsibility to put on our own masks first.

Kids can't manage their own rage by themselves, either.  They can't find their way through the tangle of jealousy that pushes them to whack their little sister. They need our help to handle that fear that we don't love them because they somehow just aren't quite good enough. They know that if they were good enough, they wouldn't want to hit their sister, or sneak that piece of candy, or throw themselves down on the floor and scream. But they can't help themselves, however hard they try not to.  (Sort of like when we eat that extra piece of cake.)

So just like with the oxygen mask, it's our job to help our child with his emotions, which is what helps him with his behavior.  Unfortunately, when we're stressed out, exhausted, and running on empty, we can't be there constructively for our child, any more than if we black out on the plane. That's why the first step in effective discipline is ALWAYS taking care of ourselves.