Parenting Blog

"I watch their softly tousled heads slumbering on their pillows, and sadness wells up in me. Have I drunk in their smiles and laughter and hugged them, or have I just checked things off my to-do list today? They're growing so quickly. One morning I may wake up and one of my girls will be getting married, and I'll worry: Have I played with them enough? Have I enjoyed the opportunity to be a part of their lives?" -- Janet Fackrell

It's part of our job description as parents to guide our kids and keep them moving through the daily routine. All too often, that means setting limits, denying requests, correcting behavior.  Sometimes we're skillful enough that our child doesn't perceive our guidance as "negative."  More often, kids give us the benefit of the doubt because all the other loving, affirming interactions create a positive balance in our relationship account.    READ POST

"Where does resilience come from?....It comes from knowing that you never have to be alone….If you feel connected, you will always be able to deal with adversity.  The skills we need to deal with adversity begin with a feeling of I can handle this.  It is a feeling of No matter what happens, I can find a solution; a feeling of I have dealt with hard times and come out fine before; a feeling of Even when I feel lost, I always have somewhere to turn.” – Dr. Edward Hallowell
 
Life is full of hard knocks.  What makes some people get up the next morning determined to try again, while others give up?  Resilience.  READ POST

"My 7 yr old daughter seems to have a difficult time having her 'cup filled.'  Even after 5  minutes of games where I’m doing what she wants whether it’s the tickle monster game or a game of cards with her—something that I consider quality time —she is still needy and can’t turn it off.  Even if I’ve given the 2 minute warning, she will continue to jump all over me and then when I’ve clearly stated it’s time for bath, etc., she stomps off.  Her attitude  negates the fun time we just had.  Even when I try to validate her feelings by saying that I know it’s hard to stop the fun, I can’t get through to her.  I do understand that she is probably trying to tell me that we need to do this more often and I am working harder at making sure we get that quality time together but when I’m just spent at the end of the day, I don’t know how to respond to her need for more more more when I feel I’ve just given."   READ POST

I posted this only a few months ago, so it may seem familiar to you. I rarely re-post until at least a year has gone by, but in the past week, I have found myself referring about twenty parents to this post. These five habits are essential for every family, will get you past any rough patch, and will prevent rough patches. They're a perfect way to start the new year. Enjoy!

Dr.  Laura....I don't understand how to even begin to validate our very strong willed 2.5 son when he is screaming at me from inside the van and won't get in his seat so we can get his big sister from school and the 6 month old is there as well..." - Anita

What happens to your car if you don't fill it with gas, change the oil, and give it a regular tune up?  It ends up in the breakdown lane.  Life with children isn't so different. Unfortunately, parents aren't given a preventive maintenance plan for their children.  But if you don't refill your child's love tank, roughhouse with him daily so he gets some good giggling in, and give him regular one-on-one time, you can count on more breakdown time. Especially if there's a relatively new baby in the family, or if you're transitioning from conventional parenting to gentle parenting and your child has some old emotions to process.  READ POST

“There's nothing tiny or insignificant. Everything is significant... Whether you are looking at world events or something that's happening in your kitchen, there's potential for connection or disconnection in either case. And it is really only the connection or the disconnection that is of any importance.” -- Abraham-Hicks

How's your week going?  Have you had a moment of connection with your child that made your heart melt?   READ POST

"We need 4 hugs a day for survival.  We need 8 hugs a day for maintenance. We need 12 hugs a day for growth." -- Virginia Satir

We all crave those close moments with our children that make our hearts melt. That's what makes parenting worth it. Connection is as essential to us as parents as it is to our children. When our relationship is strong, it's also sweet -- so we receive as much as we give.

That connection is also the only reason children willingly follow our rules. Kids who feel strongly connected to their parents WANT to cooperate. They trust us to know what's best for them, to be on their side. I hear regularly from parents that everything changes once they focus on connecting, not just correcting.  READ POST

"Dr. Laura....I do try to find things to appreciate about my children.  But there are some behaviors that are simply not acceptable.  How can I find something positive to say when my daughter raises her voice to me, or makes loud noises on purpose when I'm feeding the baby, or won't get in the tub?  She looks right at me and refuses to follow my requests." -- Carmen  READ POST