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"When we act with
love, trying to
understand the other person, it is easy, natural to have
more patience." -- Alice
Uchida
Sometimes we have a hard day. We have an interaction with
our child that leaves wounds.
Or we find ourselves in an escalating cycle with our child,
where we see everything she does through a negative lens.
How can we recover, heal, repair the relationship, move back
into a positive cycle? READ POST
"Why is it my child always wants to have intense conversations after lights out at bedtime?!"
"In moments of silence, you see children's souls." - Rabbi Sandy Eisenberg Sasso
Don't worry, your child isn't consciously manipulating you. Humans,
including kids, are busy and distracted all day. In fact, most of us go
on autopilot to distract ourselves from our uncomfortable emotions, by
eating, racing around, or checking in with one of our screens. When the
lights go out and the stillness settles, the unresolved issues of the
heart take center stage. READ POST
"Dr. Laura, I'm kind of shocked how much my son
is loving the Fix game! I don't think I've ever heard my son say,
"Let's do it again!" so many times :)"
"Dr. Laura, I just wanted you to know that because
of your sweet little "fix" game and a decision to again lie with my
daughter until she sleeps, I feel not only as if I have my darling girl
back, but as if I have myself back, too. Our relationship has returned
to what it was: magic. I don't know how to thank you."
Many parents tell me they're too tired and busy to play with their
kids. Mothers, especially, often see play as an onerous task on an already endless to-do list. READ POST
"To listen fully means to pay close attention to
what is being said beneath the words. You listen not only to the
'music,' but to the essence of the person speaking. You listen not only
for what someone knows, but for what he or she is. Ears operate at the
speed of sound, which is far slower than the speed of light the eyes
take in. Generative listening is the art of developing deeper silences
in yourself, so you can slow our mind's hearing to your ears' natural
speed, and hear beneath the words to their meaning." -- Peter Senge
Zen Master Thich Nhat Hanh has been described as a cross
between a cloud, a snail and a piece of heavy machinery. I could never
be called a snail given my preferred pace, but I do aspire to the
lightness of a cloud and the powerful presence of a piece of heavy
machinery. This summer, I've been realizing that moving more slowly
might be a precondition for that lightness of touch and depth of
presence. READ POST
"Ironically,
when children communicate their unmet needs through needy behavior, the
action adults often take is to try to change the child's behavior. As
long as we keep trying to change the behavior instead of meeting the
need, those needy behaviors persist. If we look at our own behavior
when our children's needy behavior is driving us crazy, we usually find we've been too busy and
stressed to connect with them. "-Pam Leo
The most important secret of effective parenting is a close connection to our kids. Before you say "Duh, of course..."
please hear me out. Nothing else you do really matters without this.
In fact, I would go so far as to say that Connection is 90% of
parenting. This includes: READ POST
"Anyone who thinks the art of conversation is dead ought to tell a child to go to bed." -- Robert Gallagher READ POST
"The key to communication is not what we say, but
rather the attitude that lies behind what we say... all of us are
telepathically communicating all the time. Every moment, we are
choosing to join or to separate, and the person to whom we're speaking
feels what we have chosen regardless of our words." -- Marianne
Williamson
Your child may not know what words are going through your mind, but he or she feels your intention. READ POST
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