Parenting Blog

"What happens is not as important as how you react to what happens." -- Thaddeus Golas

How do you remember not to sweat the small stuff?  Keep Perspective!
 
I know, it's easier said than done. It's simply impossible to see the larger landscape when we're down in the swamps. And every parent finds him or herself in the swamp sometimes. 

But if we can just step back, we realize that things are actually hopeful. Start with the fact that you have this child, while there are people all over the world yearning for a child -- or, worse yet, for one they've lost. Notice how you've been transformed into a more loving, patient, responsible, joyful person just by being your child’s parent.  Then consider the sheer joy and aliveness your child brings into your life.  READ POST

"Most of us seem to carry a nagging inner chorus of self-judgments and harsh, unkind thoughts: echoes of the less-enlightened voices of our parents, internalized oppression, self-protective defenses that long ago lost their utility. We strive so hard to do the right thing, to somehow convince these voices that we are worthy, that we are enough.   But we are arguing our case before a rigged jury.  These voices are tape recordings that only know how to say, "Guilty as charged!  Not good enough!"  -- Robert Gass  READ POST

"Dr. Laura....I would never spank my child.  But I don't want to let her get away with bad behavior, either.  How do I make sure she learns how to behave?"-- Ingrid

All of us want to raise children who become considerate, responsible, self-disciplined, happy adults.  The only question is how best to do that.  Luckily, we know the answer.  Research studies have been following children for decades, and we already know what works and what doesn't to raise great kids.   READ POST

"Try to see your child as a seed that came in a packet without a label.  Your job is to provide the right environment and nutrients and to pull the weeds.  You can’t decide what kind of flower you’ll get or in which season it will bloom." -- Anonymous

If you're like most parents, there are times when you'd like to submit your kid to "Extreme Child Makeover."  (That's a reality show playing in a living room near you.)  Maybe you wish your shrinking violet would stop clinging to you and just go play with the other kids.  Maybe you wish he'd stop clobbering the other kids. Maybe her shriek in public makes you cringe. Maybe you just always wanted a girl and you were blessed with two raucous boys.

But the one thing we know for certain about child development is that kids who feel loved and cherished thrive. 

That doesn’t mean kids who ARE loved – plenty of kids whose parents love them don’t thrive. The kids who thrive are the ones who FEEL loved, accepted and cherished for exactly who they are.    READ POST

 “The single biggest enemy of your happiness is your neurological fear network.  We think of fear as just a thought, but it’s not.  The fabric of fear has been woven into our brains, creating a neurological entity that has lasted as long as mankind.  The fear system is insidious and full of deceit. When we are tormented by the many faces of fear — perfectionism, obsession, insecurity, shyness, guilt — we often try to make sense of our pain by assuming that something is wrong with our lives.”
-- Dan Baker, Ph.D.

The biggest enemy of your happiness is fear.  It shows up as perfectionism, guilt, worry.  That doesn't mean something's wrong with you -- that's just how human minds are designed.  They work hard to keep us safe.  But happiness is nowhere in their job description.     READ POST

This post is part of our series on Parenting for Emotional Intelligence: Real Life Examples.   READ POST

“You don't get to choose how you're going to die. Or when. You can only decide how you're going to live. Now.”  -- Joan Baez.  READ POST