Parenting Blog

"Since I have found your daily posts, I am more patient with my children and I can see that they are happier and better behaved. Does being an alpha dog mean I need to be more strict again?" - Karen

"The example discussing "dominance," "leadership," and "alpha" are all concepts that are considered out-dated, made obsolete by further scientific investigation of behavior both in domestic dogs and in wolves." - Christie Circle

Yesterday's post on the need for parents to be leaders in their homes turned out to be controversial, because the whole concept of the "alpha dog" is apparently so loaded.  Just to be clear, I did not use the words "dominance" or "strict" in the post.  The quote referred to the "alpha dog" taking care of and protecting to create a sense of safety.  READ POST

"Dr. Laura, I appreciate all the posts about how to stay calm. They really help.  But what about those times when my kid does something really awful -- and deserves what's coming to him?! Won't he misinterpret it if I stay calm then? How do I teach him a lesson?" -- Claudine

Because we're better parents when we’re calm, my daily inspiration emails lately have focused on mindfulness -- noticing our own moods and emotions, so we have a choice about whether to act on them.

Here's the thing to remember about that choice.  We have to Choose to calm ourselves.  Just like our child has to choose to "act right" when everything in him wants to act "wrong." And it's just as hard.

Claudine is describing how tough it is to choose to give our child what he needs, over giving him what we think he "deserves." But if we're honest, that "giving him what he's got coming" smacks of revenge, not teaching.  READ POST

"I love all your advice.  But I find it only works when I can stay calm, which is really hard.  I'm a yeller.  My mother was a yeller. I come from a long line of yellers.  How do I break that cycle?" - Cynthia

"Making yourself accountable to your kids for these kinds of changes is really powerful, for you and for them! It models so much amazing stuff for them (how to set goals, how to do emotional work, etc.) and makes them feel like an important and capable ally in your life. It's not difficult to see how "Hey Billy, can you help me with problem X I am having in my life" translates to "Hey Mom, can you help me with problem Y I am having in my life" in the teen years, and beyond."- Jennifer Dillon

Most parents yell.  We don't even notice ourselves doing it half the time.  Our voice just gets louder and louder.  Or we do know we're doing it, but at that moment, it seems completely justified.  After all, did you SEE what that kid DID?!  READ POST

This is Part 4 in our series on Nurturing Yourself while Raising Your Child.

"The only way to help our child is to do the work ourselves. Our child needs a guide through the tsunami." – Leslie Potter, Purejoy Parenting

Life has a way of doling out lessons that we didn't ask for, but that help us develop more wholeness. When we resist those lessons, they land in our lap again in exaggerated form, until we finally tackle them.   READ POST

"Why do grownups have to take over everything?" -- Kindergardener, age 5    READ POST

"Amazing how a negative message -- even if it's unintentional -- can inflict a sharp stab to the soul and break down a child's spirit." -- Joanne Stern

Children rely on us to interpret the world:  "That's soft....HOT, Don't touch!...Say Thank You.... Now let's wash our hands... We always... We never.... This is how we do it.....The sky is blue...."

What happens when they hear: "You'd lose your head if it wasn't glued on.....That was a dumb thing to do....I'm so sick of your ....Can't you....You never....You always.....You make me want to scream!...I can't stand how you...."?  READ POST

"Instead of focusing on how much you can accomplish, focus on how much you can absolutely love what you’re doing. Be there completely. While doing this, you’ll find that you naturally enjoy those seemingly tedious tasks much more (like washing the dishes). It’s amazing how much non-resistance and presence changes everything.” -- Zen Habits   READ POST