Parenting Blog

"Let it go. The moment you feel your hackles rising, let it go. If you let it upset you, what follows is anger, and to quote Yoda, that leads to the dark side....Notice … and interrupt it. Find your own way of accepting things with grace."  -- Steve Errey

Small children know their very existence depends on how much they matter to their mom and dad. They’re constantly looking for proof of our passion for them. Unfortunately, what they’re looking for is emotional energy.  If we give them more emotional energy for their negative behavior (“Stop that right now! How many times have I told you...?!”) than for their positive behavior (“That’s nice, Dear”), guess which one they’ll repeat?

Ignore less than stellar behavior if you can (also known as picking your battles.)  If it’s non-negotiable -- hitting, rudeness, meanness -- set the limit clearly and dispassionately.  No fuss, no arguing, no yelling, no energy.  Just a clear limit.  Meanwhile, give as much enthusiastic energy as you can to everything your kid does right.

How can you stay cool when your kid acts up? Just remember you’ll get more of what you focus on.  READ POST

"You got to accent...uate the positive, elim..inate the negative ... latch on...to the affirmative..."  -- Johnny Mercer

Want to try an experiment that will transform your child’s behavior in a week?  Step one is to accentuate the positive.  Acknowledge  every positive thing your child does with as much enthusiasm, appreciation and specificity as you can.  Do this as many times a day as you can catch your child doing something right, accompanied frequently by an affectionate hug.

"You and your sister played so happily together this afternoon."
“I’m so pleased with how you picked up all your toys!  You must be so proud of yourself!”
“The dog loves it when you feed her.  Look how happy she is!”

Step Two?  Eliminate the negative!  No matter how bad your child’s negative behavior, keep your emotional response flat as you set limits. No punishment, just limits.  Staying calm is tough, but kids live off our emotional energy.  If they get it only for positive behavior, not for negatives, they'll repeat the positive behavior.  The negative behavior will diminish and eventually disappear as the child develops a positive self image.

Fair warning: Intense kids need lots of intense energy, so muster all the enthusiasm you can.
What do you have to lose?   READ POST

Guest Blog by Jane Nelsen,
(From Positive Discipline in the Classroom)
www.positivediscipline.com  READ POST

"It is possible to act a little nicer than you feel, but not much.  For that reason, the two most important four letter words to remember when you're angry are EXIT and WAIT... The wonderful thing about saying nothing is that you never have to take it back."  -- Nancy Samalin

What does your kid hear when you make threats?  "Blah...If you don't....blah...blah...right now!"  Threats are only effective if you're willing to follow through on them, and if kids are used to hearing you threaten, they've learned that most of your threats never materialize.

Threats made while you’re angry will always be unreasonable, so when you calm down, of course you don't follow through.  I'm not recommending you actually ground your child till he's 18.  Since  threats undermine your authority and make it less likely that your kids will follow the rules next time, I'm suggesting you avoid them.

Nothing says you have to issue edicts on the fly.  Instead, tell your child that you need to think about an appropriate response to his infraction. The suspense will be worse than hearing a string of threats they know you won’t enforce. If you wait until you're calm, you'll be able to handle the situation constructively, and your kid is much more likely to take you seriously.  READ POST