Parenting Blog

Mommy: “Avery, you must be getting hungry. Its time to walk home and make some yummy peanut butter sandwiches for lunch. Would you like to walk or ride in the stroller?”

Avery: “No Mommy, I’m sitting on the swing.”   READ POST

"How many times have you felt forced/nudged/shamed/coerced into parenting in a way you don't usually because you were in a public situation? I know I have, and it still happens now that my kids are out of the toddler tantrum stage." - Ask Moxie

"Where I struggle is under the judgmental gaze of grandparents who believe in PUNISHMENT and CONSEQUENCES when the line is crossed. I can almost hear a tsk, tsk as I do my empathic parenting. Do others struggle with this? No matter how old I get....I still want parents' approval, you know?" - Ann  READ POST

Last week we talked about limit setting, in The Secret of Raising a Self-Disciplined Child. The comments and discussion on my Facebook page convinced me to do a whole series on Empathic Limits with examples, beginning today with What if Your Child Crosses the Line? and continuing tomorrow with Setting Limits in Public.  Feel free to send me your questions about specific situations at DrLauraMarkham@AhaParenting.com.  I won't be able to address them all, but it will help me focus on the most common issues.

"I don't understand the part about a transgression should never be punished. I get the concept of the bigger the transgression, the greater the child's need is, but what if they really cross a line? Yesterday my 3-yr-old threw a book because he got mad. It hit my husband in the eye & cut his skin--yikes! I removed him from the room, told him that was not allowed ever & put him in a thinking spot. Yes? No?"  READ POST

"You frequently mention "setting limits" and I am wondering if you can elaborate. I feel like I am not good at setting limits and my children (ages 3 and 5) probably feel like I am unpredictable with what I allow and what sets me off." -- Aurora

"Together with intelligence, self-control turns out to be the best predictor of a successful and satisfying life." - Steven Pinker  READ POST

“Dr. Laura – I made the mistake of spanking my toddler when I lost my temper.  I only did it once, and not very hard.  But since then, whenever she plays with her dolls and stuffed animals, she spanks them.  I asked her what they did wrong, and she said she was just playing house. Have I damaged her for life?” -- Anonymous

"Children misbehave when they feel discouraged or powerless.  When you use discipline methods that overpower them or make them feel bad about themselves, you lower their self-esteem. It doesn't make sense to punish a child who is already feeling badly about herself and heap more discouragement on top of her." -- Kathryn J. Kvols

What’s the best way to teach your child right from wrong?  READ POST

“Dr. Laura – I'm not one of those 'Count to 3 and They Jump' parents.  I was raised that way and it always seems to involve threats and harshness. But I do want my kids to listen to me, and to take No for an answer.  For instance, when I say 'It's time to clean up' they ignore me unless I yell.  What's the secret?" -- Danielle

Most humans ignore things they don't want to hear, if possible.  But we can get our kids to "listen," and to follow our rules, without resorting to yelling, threats or harshness.  The secrets?  READ POST

 "In contrast to their enthusiastic, loving nature, all children (like all adults) experience times when they aren’t themselves. They lose their sunny attitude, their ability to make each day a good one... They can’t listen or respond thoughtfully to the situation around them. Their behavior goes off track, and they begin to do things that don’t work, things that isolate them from other people...Every effort to guide them sends them further off track...When our children are unreasonable, they are asking for our help. They need us to set limits for them. They also need to know that we care about them. It’s our caring that puts them back on track again." -- Patty Wipfler  READ POST