Parenting Blog

"Dr. Laura.....I have no idea how to be the parent who doesn’t yell….it is so deeply ingrained into me..."

Not yelling may seem like a miracle, but this is something you can do.  I've seen many, many parents do it.   READ POST

"Hey, Mom, Dad, I'm overwhelmed with some big feelings here....I don't know what to do with them...They're bubbling up inside me and I feel so scared and sad and mad...I'll do anything to make these feelings go away, including hit my sibling...No, don't you come close offering me hugs...that would send me right into tears...I can't bear all that sadness...It must be your fault I'm feeling all these bad feelings....I'll drive you away by any means necessary!"

Don't you wish your child could just TELL you he's feeling this way, instead of screaming "I hate you, you're the worst mother in the world!"?

But when you've tried everything, and your child is still acting out, it's because he CAN'T tell you about those feelings.  So he "acts them out."   It's his way of sending you an SOS.   READ POST

 "Whenever I held my newborn baby in my arms, I used to think that what I said and did to him could have an influence not only on him but on all whom he met, not only for a day or a month or a year, but for all eternity - a very challenging and exciting thought for a mother."  -- Rose Kennedy

Most parents take their job as teachers very seriously.  We teach our kids colors.  ABCs.  Sharing.  Right from wrong.

But sometimes we don't even notice a much more important lesson we're imparting to our children: how to manage themselves and their feelings.  This is the basis of emotional intelligence (EQ), which will determine their quality of life much more fundamentally than their IQ.  READ POST

"What do I do when my three year old throws his truck at the cat? If I take the thrown object away and say, "The truck has to be put away now, because we can't let the kitty get hurt," my son seems to still view this as a punishment -- Mom is taking his favorite toy away and putting it somewhere high up where he can't reach it because he's little. Not to mention the frustrated/patronized look he gets on his face as soon as he sees my 'I'm about to empathize with your deeper feelings instead of addressing whatever need you think you have at this moment...'

Let's dig deep on this one because it's a great example of where punishment gets in the way of raising a responsible, emotionally intelligent child.  READ POST

"I find I’m already 10 steps into reacting and I’ve headed down the “traditional” path with whatever issue is at hand with my kids. When I am able to remain calm, it certainly helps the situation as opposed to when I get heated up and emotional, which only makes things worse. It makes me sad to know that up until now, I have not been a good example of emotional regulation at all.  And it is so disheartening to see my kids doing things that I know they saw us do whether it’s throw something, slam a door, etc. Every once in a while, the little voice inside me says 'It’s too late—damage done' but then I keep plugging along reading and re-reading your advice and hope that if I can keep working on myself, my kids can adjust too." – Amy

Sounds familiar, right?  We're starting the New Year with emotional regulation because it’s at the heart of our ability to parent the way we’d like. In fact, it’s at the heart of most of the ways we trip ourselves up, from over-eating to over-spending to fighting with our spouse.

As parents, we know it’s our responsibility to provide for our child’s physical needs: food, shelter, protection.  What about our responsibility to parent from a state of love?  We often hear that good parents love their children unconditionally, but we all know that no parent always feels loving.  And we’re left on our own to figure out how we can restore ourselves to a state of love during the inevitable ups and downs of daily parenting.  READ POST

“We're not grateful because we're happy. We're happy because we're grateful.” - Brother David Stendl-Rast

"If the only prayer you said in your life was 'THANK YOU,'  that would suffice." -- Meister Eckhart

Every spiritual tradition has a practice of gratitude.  Not just for some presumed spiritual or ethical benefit, but because it works. The heartfelt expression of gratitude lifts us out of the mind’s usual restless feeling of “not enough” into the joy of sufficiency.  We open ourselves to take in the blessings that surround us.  READ POST

"Instead of resisting any emotion, the best way to dispel it is to enter it fully, embrace it and see through your resistance." - Deepak Chopra

"Today I will let myself feel what I am feeling and let my children feel what they are feeling....I'll pay attention to what each of us is feeling and give those feelings some respect and space. There's nothing so bad about them; they are only feelings and need not threaten me." -- Tian Dayton

Are your feelings dangerous?  Never.  But most of us are afraid of our strong feelings.  And we're afraid of our children's feelings. Why?  READ POST