Parenting Blog

“If I had my child to raise all over again,
I'd build self-esteem first, and the house later.
I'd finger-paint more, and point the finger less.
I would do less correcting and more connecting.
I'd take my eyes off my watch, and watch with my eyes.
I'd take more hikes and fly more kites.
I'd stop playing serious, and seriously play.
I would run through more fields and gaze at more stars.
I'd do more hugging and less tugging."
-- Diane Loomans
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"The achievement of your goal is assured the moment you commit yourself to it." -- Mack R. Douglas

"Set your goals high, and don't stop till you get there."-- Bo Jackson

"It is possible to act a little nicer than you feel, but not much." -- Nancy Samalin

Next time your kid is pushing your buttons and driving you crazy, try committing yourself.  No, not to a mental institution.  To being a parent who doesn't yell.

Research shows that when we consciously, verbally "commit" ourselves to a course of action we're likely to achieve it, especially if we work at it daily.  By contrast, simply "wishing" something would be different, or even "regretting" things we've done, doesn't usually change a thing.

So if you want to be a parent who doesn't yell, start today.  Commit yourself.  And then watch how resourceful you become in meeting your goal.

Step One? Notice that by the time you're losing it, not yelling is only possible if you bite your tongue so hard you give yourself a piercing.  That's not what I recommend.  You can't act much nicer than you feel.  So after you commit yourself, the first step in becoming a parent who doesn't yell is taking care of yourself. 

What can you do to take care of yourself today, so you feel happier and less stressed?  Can you do it right now? If not now, when?  READ POST

"No amount of 'parenting skills' can make up for the lack of a close parent-child relationship. Kids accept our guidance because of who we are to them. Without that relationship, it’s very hard to parent. A close bond not only makes our kids want to please us, it gives us access to our natural parenting know-how. Welcome to the work of parenting.  But it's where the rewards are, too." -- Dr. Laura Markham  READ POST

"Let there be times when you don't tell someone everything you know about her problem, even if your understanding of it is better than hers." -- Guy Finley
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"You will always be your child's favorite toy."  -- Vicki Lansky

Anyone at your house a bit bored this summer?  I hope so.  If not, your kids may be over-scheduled or spending too much time being entertained by electronics.  All kids deserve the experience of a lazy summer afternoon empty of obligation and full of possibility. 

But if your kids just can't seem to find a way to occupy themselves without resorting to technology, consider offering them an hour with the guaranteed favorite toy of any child under the age of 12:  A parent. 

The fun, attentive presence of a parent always fills kids' deeper hungers.  Often you can use that time to get your child interested in a project that will occupy them for hours.  But even if you just use that hour to read in a hammock or play in the sprinkler, you'll find your child is a lot happier and able to engage himself for the rest of the day.    READ POST

"Currently, a fantastic evening for me is crashing into my son’s bath with my clothes on, chasing him around the house with a diaper on my aqua blue bubble bath covered head, cooking cheap crappy pizza (side of green beans too, don’t worry), and reading Llama Llama Red Pajama to him.  Pretty much all the same stuff I did when I was single, just now I do it with my son instead of my date. I used to run around the world looking for the exact thing I now have sitting in ... my home. " -- Mark Holder

If you're like me, you have a long "To Do" list, and at the end of the day you never feel like you've accomplished enough.  This is your official reminder that your In Box will never be empty, but your children will grow up.  Sooner than you think, you will be the last person they'll want to spend time with.

If your kids are still young enough to want your time in the evening, why not give it to them in a whole-hearted way?  Why not turn off the computer and leave the clothes unfolded? (Kids can wear them wrinkled right out of the laundry basket, right?)  Why not chase them around the house with a diaper on your head, and roar at them like a tiger?  Why not have an extra long story hour tonight?

Playing with your kids isn't a luxury, it's a necessity.  Kids thrive on that juicy energy; it strengthens your relationship with them.  And what better way to get cooperation than making your routine into a game?  READ POST

"If you bungle raising your children, I don't think whatever else you do well matters very much." -- Jacqueline Kennedy Onassis

Daily life blurs by so fast that sometimes it's only when we step outside it for a vacation that we realize just how fast our children are growing up.  That happened for me last week on a family bike trip.  Our son, now 18 and leaving for college in the fall, was our leader and navigator.  Our daughter, who celebrated her 14th birthday on the trip, proved a more capable rider than I was.  At dinner, I would listen to their spirited conversation and somehow see their three year old selves twinkling inside the funny, good-natured teens they've become. How did this happen?

It's a cliche because it's true: Children grow up fast.  Here we are, just trying to get dinner on the table and buy another pair of shoes to replace the ones they've outgrown, and our kids are rapidly becoming who they'll be for the rest of their lives.

The worst part is that our job is basically done by the time they're teens. It's never too late to improve things with our kids, but who they are and how much influence we have on them depends mostly on how we've related to them in the first decade of their lives, and primarily the first five years.

I wish someone had told me when my toddlers were being difficult that everything I did, every word I said, was helping shape them... and how short that opportunity was. I would have done some things differently.

And you? Anything you want to do differently before your child gets any older?  READ POST