Parenting Blog

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Put a diaper on your head!

"Currently, a fantastic evening for me is crashing into my son’s bath with my clothes on, chasing him around the house with a diaper on my aqua blue bubble bath covered head, cooking cheap crappy pizza (side of green beans too, don’t worry), and reading Llama Llama Red Pajama to him.  Pretty much all the same stuff I did when I was single, just now I do it with my son instead of my date. I used to run around the world looking for the exact thing I now have sitting in ... my home. " -- Mark Holder

If you're like me, you have a long "To Do" list, and at the end of the day you never feel like you've accomplished enough.  This is your official reminder that your In Box will never be empty, but your children will grow up.  Sooner than you think, you will be the last person they'll want to spend time with.  READ POST

Friday, May 04, 2012 | Permalink

10 Things You Can Learn from Grandparents

"Perfect love sometimes does not come until the first grandchild."- Welsh Proverb
  READ POST

Tuesday, November 08, 2011 | Permalink

Want to raise responsible kids? Create a No-Blame Household

"Are you part of the problem, or part of the solution?"

We all feel the urge to blame someone when things go wrong.  We seem to think that fixing blame prevents a recurrence of the problem, or absolves us of responsibility.  In reality, blaming makes everyone defensive, more inclined to watch their back -- and to attack -- than to make amends.   READ POST

Wednesday, October 26, 2011 | Permalink

How to Transform Drudgery into Joy

"Instead of focusing on how much you can accomplish, focus on how much you can absolutely love what you’re doing. Be there completely. While doing this, you’ll find that you naturally enjoy those seemingly tedious tasks much more (like washing the dishes). It’s amazing how much non-resistance and presence changes everything.” -- Zen Habits   READ POST

Wednesday, September 07, 2011 | Permalink

10 Ways to Love the One You're With

"Try to see your child as a seed that came in a packet without a label.  Your job is to provide the right environment and nutrients and to pull the weeds.  You can’t decide what kind of flower you’ll get or in which season it will bloom." -- Anonymous

If you're like most parents, there are times when you'd like to submit your kid to "Extreme Child Makeover."  (That's a reality show playing in a living room near you.)  Maybe you wish your shrinking violet would stop clinging to you and just go play with the other kids.  Maybe you wish he'd stop clobbering the other kids. Maybe her shriek in public makes you cringe. Maybe you just always wanted a girl and you were blessed with two raucous boys.

But the one thing we know for certain about child development is that kids who feel loved and cherished thrive. 

That doesn’t mean kids who ARE loved – plenty of kids whose parents love them don’t thrive. The kids who thrive are the ones who FEEL loved, accepted and cherished for exactly who they are.    READ POST

Tuesday, March 15, 2011 | Permalink

More Games to Transform Tears to Laughter

"Parents often fail to realize the importance of playing with children of all ages. Some new research, for example, by Anthony Pellegrini, suggests that boys who engage in playful rough and tumble wrestling with their dads have more positive social skills than boys who don't.  I always recommend what I call PlayTime, which is one-on-one time between a parent and a child where the child is completely in charge of what they do, and the parent gets down on the floor and gives their undivided, enthusiastic attention (no phone calls or dinner preparations or paying the bills)." -- Lawrence Cohen, Playful Parenting*  READ POST

Tuesday, September 21, 2010 | Permalink

How do kids declare independence?

“Those who make peaceful revolutions impossible will make violent revolutions inevitable”  -- John Fitzgerald Kennedy

July 4th marks the anniversary of the signing of the Declaration of Independence, the formal beginning of the revolution that established the United States of America.  Fireworks displays across the country will symbolize our citizens' willingness to fight and die so that we could run our own country.

It's a great opportunity to think about the process of children becoming independent.  How, exactly, does that happen?

Children become independent in a natural process of growth.  When we meet their biological need for a secure base when they're little, they can gradually explore further and further away from us, returning regularly for refueling.  Eventually, they can manage without us emotionally.  Being there when our kids need us keeps them from "looking for love in all the wrong places" such as their peer group, which some kids use as a substitute "secure base."

Of course, there's that tricky balance, which allows us to step back when our kids don't need us.  Kids need a step-by-step loosening of parental restrictions as they grow.  Beginning when they're about a year old, they usually begin rebelling if they don't get the right to make some decisions, even if only about the red cup versus the blue cup.  By the time they're two, parents need to be saying things like "You're in charge of your own body,"  by the time they're three, "You're in charge of picking your own clothes from this drawer" and by the time they're five, "You're in charge of your own playtime, so you decide whether you want to go to that party."

Our job as parents is to provide our kids with the lifeline of a strong relationship with us while giving them steadily increasing control over their own lives.  Kids who are given gradual, appropriate autonomy learn how to use it responsibly.  They grow into unique individuals who feel confident in their own skin.  They aren't as prone to peer pressure. 

Maybe most important, the peaceful evolution of independence protects our kids from the violent revolution that otherwise characterizes the teen years. It's a myth that teens have an inherent need to rebel.  What they need is to become themselves, with our blessing. 

  READ POST
Friday, July 02, 2010 | Permalink
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