Parenting Blog

“My feeling is it is almost always best to err on the side of mercy and love. There are many parenting ‘mistakes’ that can be ameliorated by lots and lots of love, and the feelings of security it can bring. I also believe that I sometimes need some mercy and love myself.” -- BarelyKnitTogether  READ POST

“How would your life change if you genuinely accepted yourself, just the way you are?" -- Dr. Tara Brach.

Today we're exploring the 9th commitment from 10 Commitments that Will Make You a More Inspired Parent -- and a Happier Person -- in 2010:  READ POST

"If your emotional abilities aren't in hand, if you don't have self-awareness, if you are not able to manage your distressing emotions, if you can't have empathy and have effective relationships, then no matter how smart you are, you are not going to get very far." --Daniel Goleman
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"Before we're 8 years old, we have almost no capacity to filter out information that comes to us. So if parents or teachers, people we count on to nurture us, say something hurtful to us before the age of eight...it goes in quite deep and we carry those misbeliefs with us. They profoundly affect our relationship to ourselves, to others...our sense of value in the world."  -- Dr. David Simon
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"Keep in mind that everything true we discover about ourselves enlarges our relationship with life." -- Guy Finley

I've heard from some readers that when they finally get the kids busy with something and sit down to meditate -- or just reflect -- tears come up.

Life is full of emotions that we don't have time to process in the moment.  And if we have kids, we probably have more emotions and less time. Parenting is the hardest job there is. It gives us constant reminders of the places in us that need healing. So it's not surprising that sometimes we just need a good cry.

Just let the tears come. Breathe. Acknowledge the tears, and the feeling. You can name it, or not. Sometimes emotions are too complicated to name. Breathe. Sit with the feelings for a few minutes. 

Those feelings are a gift to you, as bad as they might feel. Any experience that causes tears is offering you wisdom, compassion, or insight.  Ask the tears what their message is. Listen. Breathe. Say thank you for the lesson. Breathe.

Once you reap that lesson, you can let the emotions go if you want.  How? 
First sit with them, breathing, for a few minutes.  Don't think.  Just feel.  Breathe.

Then, ask yourself: 
"Could I let this go?"
"Would I let this go?"
If you can, ask yourself "When?"
Answer aloud.
Why not "NOW."?

If you can't let it go, that's ok.  You will, when you're ready.  Maybe there's another lesson waiting for you?  READ POST

My Aha Parenting moment this week came during a dinner party.  A conversation about the recent furor in the New York TImes and on NPR about Alfie Kohn and timeouts led to a discussion of discipline methods, including spankings. I felt compelled to point out that both timeouts and spanking are punishments, not discipline.  Discipline means “to guide” and there are more effective ways to guide kids than punishment.  As always in these social conversations where no one has hired me as their parenting expert, I tried to walk the line between saying what I think --  punishment gets in the way of raising cooperative kids -- and making other parents wrong.  I do understand, after all, how a parent can feel at the end of her rope and use a timeout.  READ POST