Parenting Blog

"Appreciation and self-love are the most important tools that you could ever nurture. Appreciation of others, and the appreciation of yourself, is the closest vibrational match to your Source Energy of anything that we've ever witnessed anywhere in the universe." -- Abraham-Hicks   READ POST

"In our busy lives, it is often the simple gesture that is overlooked, the simple need that is never satisfied. Consider: We figure out a way to chauffeur the kids to nine lessons a week, to organize the vacation trip to Disney World, to throw a birthday party for a dozen five year olds. So why does a quiet story told by candlelight seem impossible to manage? In truth, the story -- told from the heart and shared in flickering darkness -- is more nourishing for our child's soul, and for our own as well...."-- Katrina Kenison  READ POST

"Plenty of people miss their share of happiness, not because they never found it, but because they didn't stop to enjoy it." -- William Feather  READ POST

"I am a recovering perfectionist.  Before, I experienced that I and everyone else was always falling short, that who we were and what we did was never quite good enough.  I sat in judgment on life itself.  Perfectionism is the belief that life is broken...Wholeness lies beyond perfection. The life within us is diminished by judgment...." -- Dr. Naomi Remen

I first went to therapy as a young woman because I hoped it would make me perfect. Even once I learned that wasn't possible, I still aimed for perfection, figuring that falling short would at least get me closer to perfection.  Secretly, I thought that only by being perfect would I be good enough to be lovable.

It wasn't until I became a mother that I realized perfectionism is always the enemy of love. By definition, perfectionism is judging ourselves, our loved ones, and life as not good enough.  We reject the present moment --  peanut butter hands, tear-stained face and all -- in favor of some idealized image which can never be real, always holding ourselves back from really loving. (Because how can you love while you're judging?)  We think once we lose weight, our child gets through this phase, and our spouse gets a raise, our real life will start.  But as John Lennon once said, Life is what happens to you while you're busy making other plans.

So if you're trying to be a perfect parent and raise perfect kids, imagine going through childhood with a mother who thinks you aren't good enough.

Ready to renounce perfection?  Remind yourself, like a mantra: "I are more than enough, just the way I am."

When your child (shockingly!) turns out not to be perfect, say "That's ok, honey. You don't have to be perfect. Nobody's perfect, not even grownups. You are more than enough, just the way you are. You are such a gift to me, and to the world, just the way you are, and I love you so much, no matter what."

You might find that in the midst of imperfection, life feels a whole lot more perfect.  READ POST

"Looking back, I cannot recall any crisis that wasn't 75% ‘age-appropriate behavior.’  There is no doubt that it helped if I behaved with sensitivity and compassion, and that it hindered growth when I behaved hysterically and stupidly, but really and truly, a lot of it was just a matter of learning to wait, having faith in my daughter's innate capacity for growing and changing." — Eda LeShan  

The definition of child is an immature human being, so you can expect a lot of immature behavior.  If you're expecting anything else, you'll be making yourself and your child miserable.

The parents' job is to have faith in our children's growth and eventual maturity, even when they're stuck in the frustrations of their current age. When that gets hard, remember that you grew up and came out ok. And your child is almost certainly getting better parenting than you had.

Be reasonable. They're kids. And, like you, they're human. Don’t expect perfection, from your kids or yourself, and keep your priorities straight. Your child is taking shape before your very eyes. Her messy room matters much less than how she treats her little brother.

Children need to know that they don’t make mistakes because they're bad, but because they're human, and, in many cases, because they're children. This is especially important when she feels bad about her progress.  “Soon you'll make it to the potty every time...You're learning more every day...You're getting better and better at that....I know you didn’t mean to yell at your sister when you got upset...When I was your age, I remember how hard it was to learn to ride a bike but I just kept practicing and it got easier all the time...Practice makes perfect...Nobody bats 1000....Don't worry, it will get easier as you get older.”

Every age has its ups and downs.  As the mother of an 18 year old who's off to college, I guarantee you that someday you'll look back and wish you could enjoy just one more day of your child at whatever age he or she is now. 

Why wait?  Why not rejoice in who your child is, today?   READ POST

"Gratitude is noticing the extraordinary in the ordinary. And then taking the nanosecond to feel it." -- Karen Krakower Kaplan

Happy Tuesday!  Want to rock your life?  Do these 3 simple things every day this week:

1. Do something from your Joy list to nurture yourself, so your cup is full enough to overflow with joy toward your child. Don't have a list of the things you can do to help you feel joyful?  Make one, right now! Put it up and keep adding to it every day.

2. Spend fifteen minutes in private, unstructured, loving interaction with each child, preferably including lots of listening and snuggling. Can't get your kid to engage? Try physical games, the kind you would play with a baby -- kiss each toe, give a massage. Resist the urge to tickle, teach or engage with any kind of technology.  Just be -- and let love rush in.

3. Find something to be grateful for every minute.  Gratitude transforms our mood, attitude, actions, how we perceive our world.  If all you do is offer appreciation all day long -- to your child, your spouse, yourself, Life -- you'll find your whole day transformed.

May your week be filled with miracles, large and small.   READ POST

“How would your life change if you genuinely accepted yourself, just the way you are?" -- Dr. Tara Brach.

Today we're exploring the 9th commitment from 10 Commitments that Will Make You a More Inspired Parent -- and a Happier Person -- in 2010:  READ POST