Parenting Blog

"Why is it my child always wants to have intense conversations after lights out at bedtime?!"  

"In moments of silence, you see children's souls." - Rabbi Sandy Eisenberg Sasso

Don't worry, your child isn't consciously manipulating you. Humans, including kids, are busy and distracted all day.  In fact, most of us go on autopilot to distract ourselves from our uncomfortable emotions, by eating, racing around, or checking in with one of our screens.  When the lights go out and the stillness settles, the unresolved issues of the heart take center stage.  READ POST

"To listen fully means to pay close attention to what is being said beneath the words. You listen not only to the 'music,' but to the essence of the person speaking. You listen not only for what someone knows, but for what he or she is. Ears operate at the speed of sound, which is far slower than the speed of light the eyes take in. Generative listening is the art of developing deeper silences in yourself, so you can slow our mind's hearing to your ears' natural speed, and hear beneath the words to their meaning." -- Peter Senge

Zen Master Thich Nhat Hanh has been described as a cross between a cloud, a snail and a piece of heavy machinery.  I could never be called a snail given my preferred pace, but I do aspire to the lightness of a cloud and the powerful presence of a piece of heavy machinery.  This summer, I've been realizing that moving more slowly might be a precondition for that lightness of touch and depth of presence.  READ POST

"All communication is either an SOS or a care package." -- Kelly Bryson
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"Let there be times when you don't tell someone everything you know about her problem, even if your understanding of it is better than hers." -- Guy Finley
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"If you entertain thoughts that people are doing things to you -- for example, that your child (or anyone else) is manipulating you, taking advantage of you, ignoring you, or disrespecting you -- you will often feel annoyed, irritated, and angry.  However, when instead you think in terms of the needs that you and your child are trying to meet in every action taken, then you are more likely to feel compassion and connection.  And you are much more likely to take action that contributes to your child's well-being as well as your own."  -- Sura Hart & Victoria Kindle-Hodson

We all have needs -- for food, touch, fun, safety, self-expression, connection with others.  Children are born completely powerless.  They're still trying to figure out how to get their needs met. Once kids are convinced their needs matter to their parents -- on whom they depend to meet those needs -- they can relax and listen to their parents' agenda.  In other words, they don't have to fight with us to try to get their needs met.  They feel the way we all feel when our needs are met: comfortable, happy, open, appreciative.  That's when they're ready to cooperate.

When your kids use a dysfunctional strategy to meet their needs, notice the deeper need they're trying to fill.   READ POST