Parenting Blog

"The only way to help your child is to do the work yourself. Your child needs a guide through the tsunami." – Leslie Potter, Purejoy Parenting

Life has a way of doling out lessons that we didn't ask for, but that help us develop more wholeness. When we resist those lessons, they land in our lap over and over, until we finally tackle them.   READ POST

"What I start to feel is not just anger appropriate to the situation, but old feelings I carry from the past.  And those feelings have nothing to do with my child or the situation.  They have come up for me to take a look at them.  They are part of me.  But they don't belong in my relationship with my child.  They have to do with me and the person who raised me."  -- Laura Davis & Janis Keyser

Life is full of emotions that we don't have time to process in the moment. And if we have kids, we probably have more emotions and less time. Parenting is the hardest job there is. It gives us constant reminders of the places in us that need healing. So it's not surprising that sometimes we just need a good cry.  READ POST

“I know one thing for sure. It is impossible to find one’s own balance from the outside in. I now know beyond a doubt that finding—and maintaining—our balance is an inside job.” – Lu Hanessian

As you go through your day, you have a running list.  Change the baby, feed the toddler, teach the preschooler to pick up her toys, help the elementary schooler with homework, help the tween braid her hair, negotiate with the teen, make dinner, fold laundry, pay the bills, email your boss, connect with your spouse... the list never stops.  But have you fallen off your own list?  READ POST

"You always recommend roughhousing, and my kids do love it, but what do I do when they jump all over and get too wild?  Last week they broke the lamp and there was glass all over.  I was yelling like a crazy woman. I don't know which scared them more -- me or the glass." - Camille

Roughhousing is great for kids. Moving helps work out emotion. Laughter is even more important, since it vents anxiety and creates more oxytocin, the bonding hormone. Roughhousing builds self esteem, especially for kids who are less assertive, or smaller than other kids their age. And like other young mammals, when kids "play" fight, they learn to manage aggression, which makes them less likely to lash out when they're angry.

So when kids wrestle, pillow fight, and roughhouse, it's terrific for them. But it isn't always so good for our houses. And parents often worry that sooner or later, someone will get hurt.   READ POST

"Yesterday my husband and I had an argument at dinner time in front of the kids. My four year old daughter yelled at us to ‘Be quiet!’ …  My two year old had a tough time going to bed, which is unusual for him. Could that have had to do with mommy and daddy arguing?”  READ POST

"Dr Laura....I know I should stop yelling, but I can't. And I can't imagine getting my kids to listen if I don't yell at them...Can you move in with me for a week?!” - Cheralynn

Like Cheralynn, most parents think they "should" stop yelling, but they don't believe there's another way to get their child's attention. After all, it's our job to teach them, and how else can we get them to listen? It’s not like yelling hurts them; they barely listen, they roll their eyes. Of course they know we love them, even if we yell. Right?  READ POST

"Seeing your child in distress, and particularly if that distress is directed at you, is the most dysregulating experience there is. Wild, out of control thoughts of epic disaster come unbidden. Rage, self doubt and other destructive feelings quickly cloud your thinking. What if you could work to push those thoughts aside, and in a way analogous to meditation, concentrated on being in the moment, concentrated on remembering to breathe? It would help you focus on your child, and on the immediate task before you rather than its global implications." – Claudia Gold

When our child acts out, lashes out, or is simply in distress, it's natural for us to panic.  We're plunged into "fight, flight or freeze" because it feels like an emergency. And if our child's distress is directed at us, then she looks like the enemy.    READ POST