"What I start to feel is not just anger
appropriate to the situation, but old feelings I carry from the past.
And those feelings have nothing to do with my child or the situation.
They have come up for me to take a look at them. They are part of me.
But they don't belong in my relationship with my child. They have to do
with me and the person who raised me." -- Laura Davis & Janis
Life is full of emotions that we don't have time to process in the moment. And if we have kids, we probably have more emotions and less time. Parenting is the hardest job there is. It gives us constant reminders of the places in us that need healing. So it's not surprising that sometimes we just need a good cry. READ POST
“I know one thing for sure. It is
impossible to find one’s own balance from the outside in. I now know
beyond a doubt that finding—and maintaining—our balance is an inside
job.” – Lu Hanessian
As you go through your day, you have a running list. Change the baby, feed the toddler, teach the preschooler to pick up her toys, help the elementary schooler with homework, help the tween braid her hair, negotiate with the teen, make dinner, fold laundry, pay the bills, email your boss, connect with your spouse... the list never stops. But have you fallen off your own list? READ POST
"Is there a way to change how we experience the hair-pulling challenges of mothering? Can one truly alter her feelings in the midst of the supermarket trip from hell? … there is always another way to see the situation, a way that potentially offers greater peace, comfort, acceptance, and balance than our initial response.”
-- Bethany Casarjian, Ph.D. & Diane H. Dillon, Ph.D.
Baffled about what you should do when your kid does something you don’t like, and you're too upset to think straight?
There are always times when we simply can't get our emotions into alignment with our conscious desire to be a patient parent. When this happens, sometimes we have to act our way into who we want to be, and let our feelings follow. So when you don't know what to do: READ POST
“Why do you want your child to hurry
up? Because you're done and figure he’s had long enough to finish?
Because you have something else to do? If so, can that wait so that you
can give your child the time he needs? Because you've promised to be
somewhere? ... If you are constantly rushing from one place to the next
(doctor’s appointment, haircut, playgroup, music lessons) have you taken
on too much? Should you plan more downtime in your schedule so you have
more time to be patient? More time for play and cuddles?” -
Now that kids are back in school and activities, are you noticing that life is too busy? Most of us take it for granted that we're always rushing from one thing to the next. That we have a never-ending to-do list that keeps us from catching our breath, never mind catching a sunset together.
But it costs us. And it costs our kids even more. Our society is so hooked on adrenalin that we don't acknowledge the high price our children pay for our lifestyle. Rushing our children through life: READ POST
read Dr. Laura every day and I can actually feel my brain being
rewired. I sense myself making continual progress towards the mother I
want to be. I'm learning to love myself unconditionally along the way,
too." – Mamammalia
"The main difference between a master and a beginner is that the master practices more." -- Yasha Heifetz, Master Violinist
You've probably noticed that things work better with your kids when you're in a good mood. At least half of the time when we get irritated, impatient, or frustrated with our kids, it's because we're already feeling unhappy. Then there's a spark, our bad mood flares, and before we know it we're in the middle of a firestorm. That's why noticing your own mood and keeping it positive transforms your parenting (and your brain.)
The other half of the time our anger is "justified" in the sense that our child acts in ways that trigger us. Naturally, we want to lash out, to blame, to make our child feel bad. Isn't that how she'll learn? READ POST
"Can you give tips on how to stay connected when you feel irritable? There's no yelling going on, but I'm not as respectful as I think I should be." - Katherine
We all have bad days. As long as you catch yourself, apologize, and don't have them too often, the humans who love you will forgive you. In fact, the way you handle those small relationship ruptures will teach your child some important lessons about life and love. READ POST
This is #7 in our series on Nurturing Yourself while Raising Your Child.
"Dr. Laura, I'm great with my kids on vacation. But most of the time, I'm just so stressed out, my default is yelling!" -- Camille
As every parent learns, you can't be a good mom or dad when you're stressed out, no matter how positive your intentions.
It's true that modern life creates stress, but it's also true that what stresses out one person may just roll off the back of another. Each of us has a responsibility as a parent to manage our own stress. After all, do you want your kids to have the best of you -- or what's left of you? READ POST