Latest Posts
"If you entertain thoughts that... your child is
manipulating you, taking advantage of you, ignoring you, or
disrespecting you -- you will often feel annoyed, irritated, and angry.
However, when instead you think in terms of the needs that you and your
child are trying to meet, then you are more likely to feel compassion
and connection. And you are much more likely to take action that
contributes to your child's well-being as well as your own." -- Sura
Hart & Victoria Kindle-Hodson
Is your child's behavior irritating you? Whether he's whining, bossy, or defiant, here's why -- what you can do about it. READ POST
"Dr. Laura, I appreciate all the posts about how
to stay calm. They really help. But what about those times when my kid
does something really awful -- and deserves what's coming to him?! Won't
he misinterpret it if I stay calm then? How do I teach him a lesson?"
-- Claudine
Because we're better parents when we’re calm, my daily inspiration
emails lately have focused on mindfulness -- noticing our own moods and
emotions, so we have a choice about whether to act on them.
Here's the thing to remember about that choice. We have to Choose to calm ourselves. Just like our child has to choose to "act
right" when everything in him wants to act "wrong." And it's just as
hard.
Claudine is describing how tough it is to choose to give our child what
he needs, over giving him what we think he "deserves." But if we're
honest, that "giving him what he's got coming" smacks of revenge, not
teaching. READ POST
Dr. Laura, I see how all your
mindfulness techniques make me a more patient mother. But I am a
little overwhelmed. When I find my temper rising, what can I do in that
moment? I know yelling doesn't work. I know that my inner critic that
tells me I'm a bad mother just makes things worse. But how do I
remember what to do?" -- Cara
You don't need
to remember lots of mindfulness strategies. Mindfulness is just
bringing your awareness to your own feelings and thoughts. Once you
notice your "temper rising" you've given yourself a heads-up that
trouble's brewing, and you have a choice about how to respond.
Your goal, always, is to stay calm. If you don't feel calm, breathe your
way through the anger without taking action. Why? You'll make better
decisions, more in keeping with the parent you want to be. The rational
brain stops working when you're angry. READ POST
"Between stimulus and response, there is a space.
In that space lies our freedom and power to choose our response. In our
response lies our growth and freedom." -- Victor Frankl
"Dr. Laura -- Your emails on how mindfuless makes
us better parents are useful, I admit. But I signed up for your email to
help me change my kid's behavior, not mine!" -- Gerri
Mindfulness is not about changing anyone, it's about bringing our
attention to our experience. But the magic of loving attention is that
changes everything it touches -- us, and also our child. Because when
we change our way of showing up with our kids, their behavior changes.
Let me explain. READ POST
“The
things that piss you off about your kids are the things you haven’t
learned to love and embrace about yourself. Once you heal that part of
you and accept it, your kids change – or their behavior no longer
bothers you. The universe is constantly reflecting back to us where we
have the opportunity to grow, learn more, love more.“ -- James Ray
When our kids push our buttons, it's always a growth opportunity. Does
that mean you let your kids get away with bad behavior? Of course not. You set
limits. But if you can use the opportunity to notice and heal your own
issues, you'll find your limits are a lot more effective in changing
your child's behavior. Why? READ POST
"You are a great wizard. You can use your powers to practice white magic on yourself instead of the other kind. The most basic way to do that is to concentrate on naming, savoring, and feeling gratitude for the blessings you do have -- your love for your kid, the pleasures of eating the food you like, the sight of the sky at dusk, the entertaining drama of your unique fate. Don't ignore the bad stuff, but make a point of celebrating the beautiful stuff with all the exuberant devotion you can muster." -- Rob Brezsny READ POST
"It’s never too late to have a happy childhood.” -- Tom Robbins
The ability to bounce back into a state of well-being even when life
throws us unexpected challenges is called stable internal happiness.
Some of us are lucky enough to develop it early in life. But if (like
most of us) you're still working on how to do that, consider remedial
parenting.
Remedial just means "improving skills," and most of us need to improve
our internal self-management skills, which is the way we "parent"
ourselves. That's right, you're not only parenting your child every day
-- You're parenting yourself. You carry a parent around in your head,
coaching you through your day. READ POST


