Parenting Blog

"Keep in mind that everything true we discover about ourselves enlarges our relationship with life." -- Guy Finley

I've heard from some readers that when they finally get the kids busy with something and sit down to meditate -- or just reflect -- tears come up.

Life is full of emotions that we don't have time to process in the moment.  And if we have kids, we probably have more emotions and less time. Parenting is the hardest job there is. It gives us constant reminders of the places in us that need healing. So it's not surprising that sometimes we just need a good cry.

Just let the tears come. Breathe. Acknowledge the tears, and the feeling. You can name it, or not. Sometimes emotions are too complicated to name. Breathe. Sit with the feelings for a few minutes. 

Those feelings are a gift to you, as bad as they might feel. Any experience that causes tears is offering you wisdom, compassion, or insight.  Ask the tears what their message is. Listen. Breathe. Say thank you for the lesson. Breathe.

Once you reap that lesson, you can let the emotions go if you want.  How? 
First sit with them, breathing, for a few minutes.  Don't think.  Just feel.  Breathe.

Then, ask yourself: 
"Could I let this go?"
"Would I let this go?"
If you can, ask yourself "When?"
Answer aloud.
Why not "NOW."?

If you can't let it go, that's ok.  You will, when you're ready.  Maybe there's another lesson waiting for you?  READ POST

"Just as the moon is always shining brightly at night and clouds may come in and block our view, so too are the peace and happiness always in our hearts hidden behind clouds of fear, worry, anxiety, doubt, and thoughts of the past and future. The possibilities for peace and happiness are all around us. We just need to make the choice to let ourselves experience them.  Relish the opportunity to sit quietly, soften the mind, and surrender to the passing sensations of life all around you. Let happiness, peace, and joy arise." -- Jan Marie Dore

Did you get a chance to meditate yesterday?  I know, it sounds hard.  Sitting still IS hard, especially given the length of your "to do" list. And if a small child is nearby, it's virtually impossible.

But even five minutes of meditation can make you a happier person and a more inspired parent.  And if that's not motivation enough, it can also roll back the aging process. Really. Stress hastens aging. All those stress hormones racing through your body can be dramatically reduced by sitting quietly for five minutes and breathing. 

So pretend you're handing yourself a glass of water from the fountain of youth.  Sit down to sip it for five minutes, and notice your breathing. To stay focused, on your in-breath, silently say "IN."  On your out-breath, silently say "OUT." 

If thoughts or emotions come up -- positive or negative -- just notice them, breathe through them, and let them arise and pass away, leaving you lighter.  (That's what the new-age folks mean when they talk about raising your vibration.) Anything important your mind has to say will come back to you later. 

If you do this for even five minutes every day, your body will begin to de-stress, your mood will get happier, your chattering mind will be more friendly and loving to you, your children, and others -- and your soul will sing.   What do you have to lose?
  READ POST

“Meditation is a fine-tuning device where we sit still and we tune and tune and tune until we get the most clear and still station on the dial, which is our soul." – Elizabeth Lesser

"Meditation creates unconditional friendliness towards the Self."  -- The Buddha

Would you like a magic pill?  Research has shown that this nutrient can transform your life by slowing the aging process and decreasing anxiety, depression, moodiness, cholesterol, cortisol and lactate levels.  (Cortisol and lactate are stress hormones that increase weight and irritability.) This vitamin has also been proven to increase emotional stability, happiness, creativity, and energy. If that weren't enough, it improves learning ability, memory, insight, restful sleep, blood pressure, and flow of air to the lungs.  Best of all, it has no negative side effects.

The only catch is that to take this vitamin, you have to sit still and quiet for a few minutes. That's hard for most people.  And while even a few minutes gives positive effects, the longer you sit quietly, the more benefit you'll get from this magic pill.

You've probably guessed that I'm talking about meditation.  If you're like most of us, you know it's good for you, but you don't think you have time to do it.  But if I handed you a vitamin with this list of benefits, that you could realize by sitting quietly for ten minutes, wouldn't you take it? 

You don't need an hour.  Of course an hour of meditation is great for you.  But even five or ten minutes daily has huge benefits.

Want to get started?  Sit comfortably upright, spine straight.  Notice your breathing. On your in-breath, silently say "IN."  On your out-breath, silently say "OUT."  Your mind will keep chattering; just smile at it from afar and keep your focus on your breath.  Anything important your mind has to say will come back to you later.  If emotions come up -- positive or negative -- just notice them, breathe through them, and let them arise and pass away, leaving you lighter.

 If you do this for even five minutes every day, your body will begin to de-stress,  your mood will get happier, your chattering mind will become more friendly and loving to you and to others, and your soul will sing.  READ POST

"Breathe.  Let go.  And remind yourself that this very moment is the only one you know you have for sure." -- Oprah Winfrey

Are you remembering to breathe?  Bringing your awareness to your breath is the fastest way to calm yourself. 

Every time you find yourself getting tense, Stop.  Take three deep, relaxing breaths. 

To move even more quickly into a more peaceful place, repeat a calming mantra as you breathe:
It could be about your child:   "He's acting like he's four because he IS four." 
Or about you: "I am more than enough."
Or just about coming back into the moment: "Breathing in, I breathe love.  Breathing out, I breathe love."

Create a reminder to pause and breathe, one you'll see a number of times every day:
           * a note on your dashboard, computer desk-top or palm pilot
           * an object or sign on your refrigerator or desk
           * a bracelet or string around your wrist, that you wear for the week.

May your week be filled with miracles, large and small.  READ POST

"Make a habit of bringing your awareness to your breathing frequently throughout your day. Our breath connects us to feelings of peace and contentment. Take a minute to deepen your breath from shallow, tense chest breathing to relaxed, deep belly breathing. When you feel totally overwhelmed, stop whatever you're doing, close your eyes if possible, take three deep breaths, and let your body and mind relax." -- Jan Marie Dore

It's impossible to be a relaxed, loving parent when you're tense.  But life with children is full of triggers that make us tense.

Of course, those triggers, be they tantrums or traffic jams, don't actually make us tense. We make ourselves tense in response to them. It's a choice.  Believe it or not, it's entirely possible to breathe deeply and feel relaxed during a traffic jam -- or even a tantrum.

The easiest way to remind yourself to let go of tension is to breathe.  Just breathe.  It brings us back into our body, back into the present moment, back into balance.  Back into a choice about how we respond.

Today, stop and breathe throughout your day.  Every time you're upset. When you find yourself in traffic.  When anyone in your house begins a meltdown. (Especially you.)

Breathing seems so simple you may find it hard to believe its power.  But as Sam I Am said about Green Eggs and Ham, "Try it, try it, and you may!"   READ POST

My Aha Parenting moment this week came during a dinner party.  A conversation about the recent furor in the New York TImes and on NPR about Alfie Kohn and timeouts led to a discussion of discipline methods, including spankings. I felt compelled to point out that both timeouts and spanking are punishments, not discipline.  Discipline means “to guide” and there are more effective ways to guide kids than punishment.  As always in these social conversations where no one has hired me as their parenting expert, I tried to walk the line between saying what I think --  punishment gets in the way of raising cooperative kids -- and making other parents wrong.  I do understand, after all, how a parent can feel at the end of her rope and use a timeout.  READ POST

"You are a great wizard. You can use your powers to practice white magic on yourself instead of the other kind. The most basic way to do that is to concentrate on naming, savoring, and feeling gratitude for the blessings you do have -- your love for your kid, the pleasures of eating the food you like, the sight of the sky at dusk, the entertaining drama of your unique fate. Don't ignore the bad stuff, but make a point of celebrating the beautiful stuff with all the exuberant devotion you can muster."  -- Rob Brezsny   READ POST