Parenting Blog

"Dr. Laura....I would never spank my child.  But I don't want to let her get away with bad behavior, either.  How do I make sure she learns how to behave?"-- Ingrid

All of us want to raise children who become considerate, responsible, self-disciplined, happy adults.  The only question is how best to do that.  Luckily, we know the answer.  Research studies have been following children for decades, and we already know what works and what doesn't to raise great kids.   READ POST

"People will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel."   -- Maya Angelou  READ POST

"Did you let him play in the rain? Catch tadpoles at the creek? Did he see museums and movies, plays and magic shows? Was he allowed to get dirty, taste the snow, wade into the freezing cold surf, bury his sister in the sand? Was he taught to be kind, to think of others? Did you make his home a soft place for him to land when he falls? To read? To relax? Chase a dream, develop a passion? Did you ever just hang out in the backyard hoping to see a shooting star, look for owls, go fishing at dusk, or hike an incredible hike? " -- Sherri Kuhn  READ POST

“I was raised never talking back to my parents. I once won a second prize in a history concert.  My parents came to the ceremony. Somebody else had won the prize for best all-around student. Afterwards my father said to me, 'Never, ever disgrace me like that again.' When I tell my western friends they are aghast. But I adore my father.  It didn't knock my self-esteem at all....The solution to substandard performance is always to excoriate, punish and shame the child.  The Chinese parent believes that their child will be strong enough to take the shaming and to improve from it.” -- Amy Chua  READ POST

"She’s just like me, I thought, compulsively cruel. 'You are a terrible daughter,' I said aloud.
“ I know – I’m not what you want – I’m not Chinese! I don’t want to be Chinese. Why can’t you get that through your head? I hate the violin! I HATE my life! I HATE you, and I HATE this family! I’m going to take this glass and smash it!'
“Do it,” I dared.
Lulu grabbed a glass from the table and threw it on the ground. Water and shards went flying, and some guests gasped. I felt all eyes on us, a gross spectacle. I’d made a career out of spurning the kind of Western parents who can’t control their kids. Now I had the most disrespectful, rude, violent, out-of-control kid of all. Lulu  was trembling with rage, and there were tears in her eyes. ''I'll smash more if you don’t leave me alone,' she cried."   -- Amy Chua  READ POST

"She values instilling a kind of accomplishment in children based on repetition and rote memorization, far more than she values instilling decency, empathy, creativity and open-mindedness. If she wanted to create humans who could score in a high percentile on a standardized test, well, she certainly did her best. But this kind of accomplishment-by-the-numbers is not the same thing as the spark of genius--and it's certainly not the same thing as decency and kindness, which is what one should focus on instilling in children, geniuses or otherwise. In that regard, she's no more to be lauded than the stereotypical sports father who cares more about his son turning out to be the next Peyton Manning than turning out to be an independent, thoughtful adult." – John Freeman  READ POST

"The main difference between a master and a beginner is that the master practices more." -- Yasha Heifetz, Master Violinist

You've probably noticed that things work better with your kids when you're in a good mood. At least half of the time when we get irritated, annoyed, impatient, or frustrated at our kids, it's because we're already feeling unhappy.  Then there's a spark, our bad mood flares, and before we know it we're in the middle of a firestorm.

The other half of the time our anger is "justified" in the sense that  our kids may well act in ways that trigger us.  But that's only true if we see ourselves in opposition to our child.  The truth is, we're on the same side.  Our job is to nurture and guide, theirs is to grow and learn.  We're not really raising children -- we're raising adults.  If we can take that long view, we're more likely to remember that when our kids trigger us, we have an opportunity to teach them many things.   READ POST